The Five Worst Fictional Mothers

In honor of Mother’s Day, I decided to write a list of the five worst fictional mothers I could think of. I’m not sure why I bothered to type that last sentence, since I’m sure you’ve already figured that out from the title.

Before I begin, I should point out that unfortunately, I have yet to read/watch every single book, movie and TV show in existence, so chances are I’ll be leaving a few of them out. Feel free to comment with your list below.

Also, I didn’t bother to write a “Best Five Worst Fictional Mothers” list, because I think we all know how that would go:

  1. Molly Weasley
  2. Molly Weasley.
  3. Molly Weasley’s mother, because Molly sure didn’t get those parenting skill just by learning on the job.
  4. Molly Weasley.
  5. Molly Weasley.

Now, onto the real list:

(Caution: Spoilers for 5, 4 and 2.)

5) Lori Grimes, from The Walking Dead.

Lori gets a lot of hate from Walking Dead fans, and most of it is completely deserved. She’s whiny, inconsistent, and somehow managed to crash her car on an empty road. But that’s not important. The worst part is that she’s a comically bad mother, to the point where it became a running joke amongst the fans how she never knew where her son was. You could also blame Carl for this, since he always used to leave the house without telling anyone, but he still shouldn’t have gotten away with it so many times.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately?) once she started to improve, she died in a rather brutal, tragic way that made me forget how much I disliked her over the last two and a half seasons.

4) Brianna Barkesdale, from The Wire.

Brianna loves her son D’Angelo and will do anything for him—providing it doesn’t mess with her standard of living. And so when her son gets arrested because of his family’s drug selling shenanigans, she guilts him into agreeing to spend twenty years in prison and not rat them out. Not cool, Ma.


3) Cersei Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire, by George R. R. Martin, and it’s TV adaptation.

Cersei loves her kids, that much is clear. But she loves them a little too much, to the point where she’s willing to forgive them (particularly Joffrey) for just about anything. I’m not one to lecture people on their parenting tactics, but if your son cuts open a pregnant cat just for teehees, you should at the very least give him a time out.

2) Margaret White from Carrie, by Stephen King.

This woman’s crazy, what with her extremely strict religious beliefs that might have been acceptable back in the puritan times, but nowadays would be considered insane. She even punishes her daughter—by locking her in a closet—for daring to get her period. (It should also be noted that she never even informed Carrie about the whole menstruation cycle to begin with, leaving her scared and confused in the girl’s locker room as everyone else made fun of her.) Her terrible parenting is what made Carrie such an outcast to begin with, and if it weren’t for her I’m sure the whole prom disaster never would’ve happened.

1) Lysa Tully from A Song of Ice and Fire, by George R. R. Martin, and it’s TV adaptation.

She is just all types of crazy, isn’t she? She’s basically the Westeros equivalent of a helicopter parent who still breastfeeds her eight year old son. *shudders*

I like to think that if she has taken a more, shall we say, relaxed version of parenting, Robin might not had turned out as bratty, creepy or as sickly as he is now.

So what do you think? Who would you put on your “Worst Fictional Moms Ever” list? More importantly, Happy Mother’s Day.

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Top Ten Things Going Through Ned Stark’s Head…

Caution: HUGE spoilers for Game of Thrones.

So I couldn’t think of anything to post that wouldn’t take a long time, so I decided to make a list partially inspired by David Letterman’s Top Ten list and partially inspired by Ned Stark getting his head chopped off.

The unfortunate thing is, we really never really got a chance to figure out what Ned was thinking right before he was beheaded. Even in the book, the whole incident was described from Arya’s point of view, which made it even more tragic, if you think about it. Luckily, I have a deep understanding of Ned Stark’s character, and I think it’s safe to say I could figure what Ned was most likely thinking. And the top ten most likely thoughts are:

*drum roll please*

10) I must admit, I did not see this coming.

9) At least my family’s safe now.

8) Perhaps I shouldn’t have trusted Littlefinger.

7) I can’t even.

6) Maybe if I quickly jerk my head away right before the sword comes down….

5) Man, I really shouldn’t have left Winterfell.

4) *humming the Game of Thones opening theme* God, that song’s catchy.

3) It’s okay. My son will avenge me.

2) Wait a minute—David Letterman’s retiring? But who’s going to replace him now? I guess I’d be okay with Craig Ferguson, but still, that sucks. And here I thought Oprah leaving was heartbreaking…

And the number one thing going through Ned Stark’s head before he lost it is…

1) The Hand of the king? Worst. Job. Ever.

Game of Thrones: First of His Name Review

(Caution: Spoilers for all Game of Thrones episodes up to this point. But none for anything that has yet to happen in the books.)

Well that was pretty satisfying, wasn’t it? While the first three seasons seemed to make a habit out of killing off all the beloved characters, this season seems to be (finally) killing off all the despicable ones. The ones we love to hate. First Polliver, then Joffrey, and now Owen Harper’s twin (Korl), Nicely Bearded Man (Locke) and the rest of those raping, baby-sacrificing mutineers. By this rate, Cersei, Ramsay, Tywin, Walder Frey, Roose Bolton, Lysa Tully, Janos Slynt, and Alliser Thorne should all be dead by the end of the season. Though I’m sure if that happens, the show will simply add a bunch of new despicable characters to the mix.

Also, poor Hodor. While Bran using him to kill Locke-the-hand-cutter-offer was a necessary—and really cool—move, it was still messed up, taking over someone’s body against their will. Hodor looked pretty damned confused and upset when Bran left his mind, and that just makes me confused and upset. Oh well, at least Bran can continue on his way to the three-eyed raven. I’m disappointed that there wasn’t a Stark reunion, but I couldn’t see how such a thing could happen without Jon taking them back to the wall, and no one wants that.

Meanwhile Lysa Tully and her son are just as warm and cuddly as they were back in season one. As in, not at all. Although I did get a good chuckle out of Lysa’s screams after the wedding, as even Sansa from her separate room could hear her. What? I’m immature.

It’s also revealed, in an extremely clunky exposition scene, that Littlefinger was basically behind everything that happened in the entire series so far. Betcha didn’t see that coming, huh? Littlefinger might have even surpassed Varys (whose gotten about ten minutes of screen time this entire season) in sneakiness. Now if only he wasn’t so much of a sex-offender, I might actually come to like him.

I should point out that if no one gets pushed out of that moon door, I’m going to start swinging. I believe a wise man once said about storytelling: If a gun is shown in the beginning, someone better fire it by the end. Similarly, if a door leading to a six hundred foot drop is revealed, someone important better be falling out of it. Personally, I hope it’s Lil’ Wayne. That guy needs to go.

Meanwhile, Daenerys realizes she hasn’t done nearly as good of a job at freeing Slaver’s Bay as she thought she did, and so she makes the decision to stay in Meereen and do what Queens do—she will stall. Just get to Westeros already, sheesh.

Meanwhile, Cersei is being sympathetic lately, but I think it’s an act. She’s totally just manipulating the judges for Tyrion’s trial. The judges are Tywin, Oberyn, and Mace Tyrell (Margaery’s father) and she is coincidentally acting nice to them all of a sudden. Letting Mace Tyrell know she’s actively trying to make his daughter a queen will surely put him on her side, and letting the Red Viper know she doesn’t approve of the whole “murdering little girls” thing certainly couldn’t hurt.

Some other thoughts:

  • I found it hilarious how Margaery was all, “Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it,” when it came to marrying Tommen. Ha, good one, Marge.
  • I feel terrible for Sansa right now. First she’s betrothed to Joffrey, then to an eight (nine? ten?) year old kid who still breastfeeds. Speaking of which, are there any people left who still hate on Sansa? There better not be.
  • Neither Jaime, Davos or Tyrion got any lines in this episode, yet I didn’t notice their absence at all.
  • Jojen’s visions were perhaps the most intriguing part of the episode, and a marvel to look at. Go Team Bran! I’m rooting for you now.
  • Arya’s sword moves were extremely well-choreographed. Is Maisie Williams some sort of dancer in real life? I wouldn’t be surprised. Also, it should go without saying that every scene with her and the Hound is pure gold, despite the fact that they don’t advance the plot at all.

Rating: 8 out of 10. Good, but I don’t want to rate it too high unless a better episode comes along. (Reminder: my ratings are worthless.)

So what did you think of the episode? Did you like it? Did you kind of like it? Or did you hate it more than Joffrey? Comment below, unless you don’t want to.

Game of Thrones: The Lion and the Rose Review

(Click here for my review of “Two Swords.”)

Caution: Extreme Spoilers, but only for this episode and the episodes before it. Anything that happens afterwards in the books will not be mentioned.

What this episode should’ve been called: Finally!

I’m so glad Joffrey just kicked it, not only because he’s perhaps the most hateable villain I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching, but because now I can talk openly about his death. And man, what a satisfying death that was.

I mean, did you see his face? Blood was pouring out of just about every orifice, and I like to think he was in extreme pain, yet somehow in all this, Joffrey still managed to find a way to mess with Tyrion. By blaming him for his death. Which is a bit ridiculous because if anything, Tyrion should be rewarded for killing Draco Malfoy’s cousin.

I’m not sure if it’s a spoiler to say whether or not Tyrion is innocent, because for all I know some TV-viewers think he is, but I’m just going to say it: he didn’t kill him.* Tyrion isn’t dumb enough to poison Joffrey when he knew he’d be the number one suspect. Of course, he’s still going to be blamed for it, and that sucks. But surely they won’t kill off such a major character, right?

Also, Tyrion ends his “friendship” with Shae, in a scene that could’ve been heartbreaking had Shae been a convincing actress. Don’t give me those dirty looks; I didn’t buy into her tears for a second. Also, Shae: stop being so oblivious to how dangerous those pesky Lannisters are. It’s like you want to die.Meanwhile, the few minutes we actually got with Bran were actually somewhat interesting, but perhaps that’s just because I haven’t reached that part in the books. Were one of those visions (with the empty throne room) the same Daenerys saw in The House of the Undying? And does this mean Bran will finally figure out that the extremely close Lannister twins pushed him off that castle? (Though it’s not like he could do anything about it at this point.) Anyway, I just hope the best for Bran, but more importantly, I hope the best for Hodor.

“Hodor.”

Meanwhile, Melisandre gets an interesting scene with Stannis’s daughter, where she says, “There’s only one hell. The one we live in now,” which is a bit disappointing, because Joffrey better not be going to heaven.

I feel bad for Theon. (Show Theon, at least.) Being tortured for long periods of time is hardly fun, and it’s even less fun for those who have to sit through it every few episodes. Do we really need to keep seeing Ramsay do horrible things? We get the point. He’s evil. Let’s move on now. In fact, I seriously think season 3 would have been better off if Theon’s only appearance was in Mhysa (last season’s finale). It could’ve been a major shock to the audience, who’d be thinking, “Oh, so that’s what Theon’s been up to this whole time,” and not, “What body part is he going to lose now?”

Drawn out torture being implied>Drawn out torture being shown. I believe that was one of Pixar’s twenty-two storytelling tips.

That being said, I can’t wait to see where Theon’s storyline goes from this point on, because I’ve been told his chapters in A Dance with Dragons were some of the best in the series.

Other notes:

  • I like how this episode had Joffrey pulling countless amounts of obnoxious stunts, varying from the dwarrs reenacting the War of the Five Kings to him slicing up Tyrion and Sansa’s wedding gift. I knew about fifty kids in middle school who are just like him.
  • I’m a little upset they didn’t bring up an important revelation made in the books about Joffrey that would make everyone hate him even more. Book readers will know what I’m talking about.
  • Foreshadowing, foreshadowing everywhere! Particularly in the music. First, The Rains of Castamere was played, and then afterwards we heard the same happy music that played right before everyone you loved died at the Red Wedding.
  • Fun fact: the kid who plays Tommen is also the same kid who played one of the Lannister brothers in season 3; he was murdered by Karstark’s men. Also, Tommen is noticeably much less annoying than his older brother, so I think it’s safe to say he’d make a much better king.

Rating: “Out of ten? Eleven.”—The Doctor.

*Which is a shame, because if I could’ve chosen how Joffrey would die, I would’ve had Arya and Sansa take turns stabbing him while Tyrion held him down. But oh well, you can’t always get what you want. I’m a very sadistic person.

Game of Thrones: Two Swords Review

(Warning: this post will contain some profanity and sexual content, although if you’ve ever read or watched Game of Thrones, I’m sure it won’t bother you.)

Sorry for the lack of posting. I’ve been busy with Camp NaNoWriMo (over eleven thousand words so far!), and to make up for it I’m going to be blogging every single day in May. I pinkie promise.

So onto the review, which is for the season premiere of Game of Thrones, season 4. There will be spoilers for the episode itself, and everything that happened before it, TV show wise. But there will be no spoilers for anything that will happen later. But keep in mind that I’ve read eighty percent of the available books, so if you anger me, I could just give you a list of the soon to-be-deceased characters as revenge.

I wonder how many thousands of dollars per second these CGI dragons cost?

This was a bit of a slow episode, with lots of set up and foreshadowing and very few crazy moments (except that amazing ending scene, but we’ll discuss that later), but I think it was better than your typical GoT premiere. It didn’t try to spend too much time on too many POV characters, specifically Bran (yawn) and Theon (ouch). Instead we focused on the Lannisters, who are totally rocking it after Catelyn, Robb, and Talisa Stark have been slaughtered by that bastard Walder Frey. (On the bright side, Edmure Tully had a really successful Dothraki wedding.*)

One of my favorite parts about the show (and the books) is how Jaime Lannister actually ends up being a likeable character. While sure, the jerk-turned-nice guy development has been done to death, you rarely see a character who starts off as big of a jerk as the Kingslayer himself. I believe he’s first introduced having sex with his twin sister, and then, thirty seconds later, pushing a child off a castle.

(Of course, you can argue that his real motive was that he knew how boring Bran’s storyline would become, and so he tried to stop it from happening beforehand. Unfortunately, this backfired, when it turned out that shoving him out the window was the very thing that caused his boring storyline in the first place. If you think about it, Jaime was a hero from the very beginning.)

But then he got his hand cut off, which was a huge traumatic incident for him. I mean, that was his sword hand; his child-shoving hand! Even though he was jerk, I still felt a little bad for him. And after that moment, he continued to improve as a human being, to the point where he’s actually coming to be one of the more noble characters in the series. (Which isn’t saying much, to be honest.)

Here we see Jaime get disowned by his father, and then Cersei, who was the reason his father disowned him to begin with, basically says “I blame you for everything!” and storms off. Then he has to put up with that little brat Joffrey for what he assumes is the rest of his life.

(Side note: Joffrey’s a dick.)

Also, we are introduced to Oberyn Martell, the Red Viper himself, in an amazing fashion. In his only scene, we see him in a brothel with his wife, putting the moves on both the male and female prostitutes. Then we see him stab a smug Lannister in the hand, and then he tells Tyrion to tell his father that the Lannisters aren’t the only ones to pay their debts. Man, what a bad-ass. Also, a warning to people haven’t read the books: this guy might be important later.

Daenerys didn’t do much this episode except flirt with Daario and play with her ever growing dragons, who are starting to grow too wild, even for her. (If dragons can’t be tamed, just how did the first Targaryens use them to conquer Westeros?) Also, the people of Meereen, a slave-city with one too many vowels in its name, decided it would be fun to nail a child slave to a crucifix, just to make sure she knows where to go. Dany’s probably thinking, “Y’all just made it personal,” and is now planning to be even more harsh to those pesky Meereeners.

But let’s talk about that final scene. You know what I’m talking about. That super badass scene where Arya finally gets Needle back and gets revenge on Polliver (I thought his name was Raff? Whatever.) This scene was brilliant.

Arya and the Hound are an even better pairing than they are in the books, and the two of them are comedic gold. Such as when Arya asked for her own horse and he was all “Aw, the little lady wants a pony,” and of course there was this line:

Arya: He killed Lommy.

The Hound: What the fuck’s a Lommy?

Since it’s been two seasons since we’ve last seen Polliver, the show needed to make it clear that he was a bad guy and needed a good ol’ stab in the neck. Excuse me while I make a list of all the horrible things he did in just five minutes of screen-time:

  • Plan to gang-rape that girl in the tavern.
  • Plans to torture the tavern owner, so he’d tell them where he was hiding stuff. And hey, he may have another hidden daughter for them to rape.
  • He just assumes The Hound’s having sex with Arya, a ten year old girl, because that’s completely normal.
  • Talk casually about all those people he tortured, and how after the Mountain made him do it so much, it just “drains the fun right out of it.”
  • Was willing to let The Hound buy a chicken under his tab, in exchange for Arya. (“Lowell here likes them a bit broken in.”)

So yeah, watching Arya get to reenact what Polliver did to Lommy was pretty damn satisfying, although I much prefer the book’s version of the events. And just like the books, I’m a bit on the fence on whether or not I should cheer Arya on or be worried for her, because she’s going down a long and dangerous path down the dark side.

I grant this episode an eight out of ten. By any other show’s standards, this would be a lot higher. Personally, I can’t wait until next episode, when [spoiler] gets [spoiler] and [spoiler] finds out that [spoiler].

*I admit, I didn’t come up with that joke on my own. Someone in the AV Club wrote it. Just go to The Reins of Castamere review and I’m sure you’ll eventually find the comment.

Ranking the (New) Doctor Who Companions

Everyone has a favorite companion. Also, everyone had a least favorite companion, and I’m going to take it upon myself to rank Rose Tyler, Captain Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, Wilfred Mott, Amy Pond, Rory Williams, River Song, and Clara Oswald in the order of greatness that I see fit.

Chances are, you will disagree with me on at least one point (most likely #10). Try not to respond with hostility.

10) Rose Tyler

First, let’s talk about the good things about Rose here: she’s brave, and she was a lot of fun with the ninth Doctor. Series one Rose would’ve ranked much better on this list. But with the tenth Doctor? She was annoying.

*Takes cover from all the 10/Rose shippers.*

In series 2 she went from a cool, likeable companion to a petty, selfish jealousmobile.* She and 10 were pretty nauseating together, at least in my opinion. What was even worse was when the Doctor spent most of the next series moaning over Rose, and ignoring the much cooler Martha Jones. And then the show brought her back not once, not twice, but three times. (Of course that last time she was actually a weapon of mass destruction taking Rose’s form, but I’m trying to make a point here, so shuddup.) Not only was this annoying for the group of fans who didn’t like Rose, but it mostly ruined the effect of “Doomsday,” which I thought was mostly great.

Best episodes: The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, The Impossible Planet/The Satin Pit, Father’s Day.

9) Clara Oswald (AKA: Oswin Oswald/Clara Oswin Oswald.)

I liked Clara in her first two episodes. In Asylum of the Daleks she was competent,  funny and extremely likeable, while still showing concealed vulnerability (such as the scene when the Daleks were banging on the doors). The Snowmen Clara was extremely Mary Sue-ish, but she was at least interesting and fun to watch.

And then modern day Clara showed up, who’s basically just a really boring version of the last two. The show was too wrapped up in the mystery of Clara to actually focus on her character development, which as it turns out is the most important thing to do when writing a story. Also, I can’t be the only one disappointed that the show decided not to have a companion from the Victorian era. Can’t we once have someone in the Tardis who isn’t from modern day London?

My problem with her is that she doesn’t have any noticeable flaws. She starts beginning to feel like an almost real person in The Time of the Doctor where she calls herself a bossy control freak, despite never giving the audience the impression that she was in fact, a bossy control freak. Also, she secretly fancies the Doctor (yawn).

Best episodes: Asylum of the Daleks, The Snowmen, and The Time of the Doctor.

8) Captain Jack Harkness

This doesn’t include his time on Torchwood, because then I’d probably rank him a bit higher.)

Jack is basically the Han Solo of the Doctor Who universe: a time traveling, pansexual Han Solo. He was terrific in his first series. Unfortunately, he was, for the most part, completely useless in the third and fourth series. His main job was to flirt with people and say a couple cheesy one liners. That doesn’t stop him from being a bad ass, though.

Best episodes: The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, Bad Wold/The Parting of the Ways.

7) Mickey Smith

Mickey is a lot like Rory, except Rory actually got the girl while Mickey lost Rose to the Doctor. Not sure why he liked Rose to begin with, but you still gotta feel bad for him. He also turned into a tough, competent warrior in the second season, and was really the only main character in that series to get any type of character growth.

Best episodes: Rise of the Cybermen/Age of Steel, Doomsday.

6) River Song.

River is like the female Jack Harkness, but with better hair. People call her a Mary Sue, (ironically, they often do this right before calling her selfish or arrogant), but I like how she gets more more flawed as we go back in her time stream. It’s reverse characterization, and I think that’s clever.

Sure, she’s selfish. She even stated that losing the Doctor would cause her more pain than the suffering of the universe combined. But hey, at least she has the whole, “I was brainwashed into a psychopath” excuse to fall back on, whereas Rose has nothing.

Best episodes: Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead, The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon, The Name of the Doctor.

5) Amy Pond

Amy gets a lot of hate, for her dismissal towards Rory and her supposed lack of character development. But what I like about Amy is that she’s perhaps the only companion who gets completely screwed over by the Doctor in her first episode.

A magical man in a time traveling box swoops into your life as a child, promises he’ll be back in five minute to take you traveling across the universe with him, and then he doesn’t return until twelve years later. Of course you’re going to have some issues to work out.

In The Eleventh Hour, you can see how she’s afraid to form any close, meaningful connection with anyone (she’s even embarrassed about dating Rory), probably because the last person she formed a meaningful connection with did the dip and never returned for twelve years when she was a kid.

(Not cool, Doctor. Not cool at all.)

Then as the show goes on, you could see her starting to heal from all the damage the Doctor caused her. Amy from series 7 is a lot different than Amy from The Eleventh Hour, and that’s a good thing.

Not to mention she has the greatest, most piercing scream out of any of the Doctor Who companions.

Best episodes: Amy’s Choice, The Girl Who Waited, The Angels Take Manhatten.

4) Donna Noble

I have to admit: I hated Donna when I first saw her. She spent the majority of The Runaway Bride screaming and being as unhelpful as possible. When I heard she was coming back for series four, I was annoyed with the show runner. What was RTD thinking, bringing this annoying woman back into the show?

As it turns out, bringing Donna back was one of the best decisions Russel T. Davies ever made, as she became more and more likeable as the show went on. I assume the main reason most people seem to love her is because she and the Doctor had a non-romantic, platonic relationship, which was a breath of fresh air after getting two companions in a row who were both in love with him. She also challenges the Doctor, like in The Fires of Pompeii where she convinced the Doctor to save that one family.

I also enjoyed the way her storyline ended. Getting rid of all her character development was much more tragic than killing her off could have been, and I’m a huge fan of tragedy.**

Best episodes: The Fires of Pompeii, Partners in Crime, Turn Left, The Unicorn and the Wasp.

3) Rory Williams

Rory has the same character development as Mickey, but he has the advantage of having waited 2,000 years for Amy, and was a nice enough guy to not rub it in her face for the rest of their lives. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was all:

Rory: “Hey we should buy a trampoline.”

Amy: “I don’t know, there’s not enough space—”

Rory: “TWO THOUSAND YEARS!”

Amy: “Okay fine.”

But the fact that he didn’t just shows how great of a person he is. Rory is a saint.

Best episodes: The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang, A Good Man Goes to War, The Angels Take Manhattan.

No, she wouldn’t.

2) Martha Jones.

Martha is, as the kids say, “the bomb.” Unlike Rose, her love for the Doctor never defines who she is, and she’s not the type of hot-head to say to their family: “Screw you, people I’ve known my whole life. I’m going to leave you all forever for this dangerous guy who constantly puts me in mortal peril.” *Cough cough Rose cough.*

And unlike all the other companions except Amy, she left the Doctor on her own terms, choosing to leave him behind for the sake of her family. That alone makes her on of the best companions.

Best episodes: Family of Blood/Human Nature, The Last of the Timelords.

1) Wilfred Mott

I hated The End of Time. Just the mention of it angers me and makes me want to go outside and steal candy from children. But it had one saving grace that raised the rating of it from a one out of ten to a four out of ten: Wilfred.

He’s the best. Not only is he totally rocking that antler hat of his, but his optimism, his compassion and general grandfather-y personality makes him the best companion we’ve had since at least the reboot.

Best episodes: Any episode he’s in.

Since I know for a fact that most of you will disagree with me, I set up a poll.

*If you ever use the term “Jealousmobile,” make sure to give me credit.

**Fictional tragedy is the only kind I like.

The Walking Dead Season 4b: Hopes and Predictions

I’m sure this post will alienate a lot of my readers because not a lot of them appear to be fans of The Walking Dead. In this part of the blogging world, Doctor Who and Sherlock** seem to be where it’s at. I do have at least three followers who do like TWD, however, so at the very least I should get a comment or two.

If you haven’t watched the last three and a half seasons of The Walking Dead, and plan to, I suggest you click away, preferably to this page, because shameless self-promotion is the way I roll.

I will look back, because I am a rebel.

So here’s what I know about season 4b so far:

  • The first episode will be heavily centered around Carl. I hope he doesn’t talk throughout the entire episode. I think Chandler Riggs is a great actor—when he’s not talking. When he’s keeping his mouth shut I think, “Man that’s a pretty badass kid. Killed his own mother, no big deal.” But once words start awkwardly sputtering from his mouth I think “Someone kill it with fire!” Okay, Carl’s been great so far this year and the actor’s certainly competent in the roll, but I keep expecting him to say something cringe-worthy like, “Dad, I’m not a kid anymore!” which seems to be the number one thing annoying kids say in TV shows.
  • Michonne will show even more emotion this season than she ever did before. Not sure how this is possible, considering the wide variety of facial expressions she made in season 3 (ranging from “extremely pissed off” to “slightly less pissed off,”) but I can’t wait to see it.
  • It’s supposedly going to be the best half season yet. Of course, they say that every year, but I’m willing to believe them this time.

Here are some my hopes/predictions from these next eight episodes.

  • The pace will speed up a bit. I loved the first half of season 4; two of my favorite episodes (The Internment and Too Far Gone) aired then, but I felt like the pace in certain episodes were too slow for its own good. I was okay with this, considering that it made just about all the characters more three-dimensional than they’ve ever been so far. But I hope the pace increases just like it did in the second half of season two.
  • I hope the show develops a kind of Game of Thrones–like feel to it. Where each episode follows the characters in different situations that occasionally intertwine. They will all only meet up some time in the last two or three episodes.
  • I kind of hope Morgan never comes back. He’s like The Weeping Angels—the more we see him, the less effective he’ll get. I assume.
  • I want Glenn and Maggie to stay apart for a long time. I like Glenn, and I like Maggie, but I’m getting tired of Glaggie. The two of them have gotten boring over the last season or so.
  • I hope Beth gets some time to exercise her singing voice over the next few episodes. She has the diaphragm of an angel.
  • I hope Judith is really dead. As harsh as this sounds, having to carry a baby around on an open road in the middle of a zombie apocalypse is too much of a burden, and the show will probably suffer for it.
  • I think the characters most likely to die are Glenn, Bob the Alcoholic, one of the two survivors from the Governor’s army, and Tyreese’s sister. Everyone but Rick, Carl, and Daryl are at risk as usual.
  • Carol returns, and hooks up with an unknowing Tyreese, who falls in love with her. Seeing how happy Tyreese is with her, Rick and Daryl decide not to tell him about the whole “killing your girlfriend” thing.
  • I was kidding about that last one, but I would mind if it actually happened.

**Sherlock season 3 was wonderful, by the way.