Recently I’ve felt a lot like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, and not in a good way. Yes, I also overuse the word “awesome,” and I am capable of seducing every girl in New York City (not to brag or anything), but that is not what I’m talking about.
In an episode in Season 5, Barney decides to hold up a sign at the Super Bowl telling the ladies to call him, showing his number below. Now the phone gets texts and calls from thousands of smoking hot chicks, along with a shockingly low amount of prank calls from teenagers and forty-year old men. At first he believes the magic phone is something he loves (a duck), but the problem is, it’s impossible for Barney to nail one girl, knowing there’s a hotter chick out there waiting for him. (“There’s always a hotter chick,” says a philosophical Lily.) Then he realizes the phone is not the duck he thought he loved; instead it is a rabbit, which is bad for some reason.
(Speaking of which, why is a rabbit considered bad and a duck considered good? I’m with Marshall on this one; ducks are bad, rabbits are good. Ducks are annoying. They’re always quack quack quacking and begging for food and whatnot. Rabbits, (I prefer to call them bunnies), are adorable. Besides, there’s no Easter Duck, is there? There’s no Energizer Duck, or Bugs Duck, either. No one ever says, “Silly Duck! Trix are for kids!” We may continue this fierce debate on twitter or the comments below.)
Now that I’ve gotten rid of all my viewers who don’t watch HIMYM, I will over-explain how the top half of this post connects with me having too many books.
This year I now go to a school with a library that’s huge compared to my other school’s library. It’s got every single book on my list of books to read in 2013, along with who knows how many others. Like Barney, I first considered this giant library to be a duck. But after a while I couldn’t focus on just one book at a time. I can’t finish reading a book, knowing that there is a possibly better book out there waiting for me. I always pick up a book I’ve always wanted to read, but halfway through I abandon it, not because it was bad, but because the temptation to read another book was just too strong. Now I’ve come to the horrible realization that this library isn’t a duck at all, but a rabbit (though I think the rabbit>duck philosophy should be reversed).
Along with the lack of fulfillment in not being able to complete a book, there comes the guilt, too. I’ve broken so many books’ hearts. (Not so fun fact: Book suicide rates have increased by 2% since this September.) So I apologize to the following books whom I dumped.
The Two Towers–by J.R.R. Tolkien. It was a great book, but I couldn’t resist picking up Stephen King’s Pet Sematary.
Pet Sematary–by Stephen King. Also a great book, but I abandoned it for Eragon.
Eragon—by Christopher Paolini. Actually, I’m not sorry for this book; it was awful. Why did I like this book when I first read it?
Salem’s Lot––by Stephen King. Also an amazing book from what I’ve read. But The Underland Chronicles (a series I haven’t abandoned, somehow) was calling my name and just wouldn’t stop.
I will make it up to those books. I will complete each of them, as they deserve. Except Eragon.
This post is mostly just a bunch of announcements. Though that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read this.
Announcement #1: I now have a twitter account, as you probably know already from the title. Most people would be subtle in trying to get you to follow them, but not me. I only have 0 followers, by the way.
Announcement #2: Today I found out I got a 35 out of 100 on my math midterm–this brought my average down to a 73, and since I’m in honors, I need an 85 to pass. I figured this blog might be the reason for my low math grades, but then I realized that it probably has to do with the amount of time I spend looking at memes I find on Facebook. Long story short: You can expect to see the same amount of posts here as usual.
Announcement #3: I’ve decided to steal Liam’s idea of letting people write a guest post if they write the _____ comment. So I’ve decided that the person who writes the 200th 500th1,000th 1,500th comment on this blog will get to write a guest post for this blog. The rules for the post are:
Cursing is allowed, as long as they’re not completely unnecessary.
The post must be under 800 words. If it goes a little over, I’m okay with it.
You are allowed to comment on the posts as if it was your blog.
You can decline the guest post, but you might want to check your coffee for poison for now on.
I currently have 78 comments, by the way.
Announcement #4: I’m about to watch the Season 2 finale for Doctor Who. I’m really sad because I know Rose will leave the show somehow and I like Rose, even though she was better in the first season.
I haven’t posted a post in a while and I have no idea of whatto post either, so I decided to give you twenty random facts about me that’ll probably be featured in future history books, because I’m just that important.
Also I just chugged down a can of red bull so I’m probably going to switch from topic to topic. Also be prepared for inappropriate outbursts that have absolutely nothing to do with this post.
Shall we begin?
I hope no one was offended with the statement two lines above this one. If anyone is, please know that it’s only a body part and it’s nothing controversial. Now, if I had described the body part, then you might have a reason to be offended.
Speaking of lions, I am friends with Aslan. Aslan and I sometimes like to drive around the ghetto and beat up anyone who looks at us funny. We’re mad tight.
My eyes are blue, like the sky.
Just to make things clear, I mean my eyes are like the sky on a clear day. Not a day with clouds or anything.
I have this amazing idea for a prank I want to do on someone: I’m going to buy a whole bunch of cups and sneak into someone’s room while they’re sleeping. Then I’m going to fill each cup to the top with water and place them all an inch away from each other so the whole floor is covered in water filled cups. But here’s the kicker: Before I fill all the cups up, I put the alarm clock on the exact opposite side of the room as the person sleeping and set it two or three hours earlier than usual. Now he/she won’t be able to get up to turn on the alarm clock without spilling water all over his floor. I know, I’m evil.
The above plan is actually used in the novel I’m working on. Intrigued? Good.
I don’t get why some adults get all uptight about swearing in YA literature, yet none of them seem to get uptight about kids being forced to kill other children like in The Hunger Games. These people need to get their priorities straight.
For the record I don’t think anyone should be getting all uptight about The Hunger Games, either, because it sends a positive message. It shouldn’t matter if a YA book has swearing, sex or killing, as long as the overall message is positive.
I’ve recently started watching Doctor Who, and I must say, I love this show. It started off cheesy, but then after a few episodes it stopped being cheesy and started being awesome instead. This show is like cocaine to me, assuming that cocaine is fun to watch and very thought-provoking.
Although I liked the 9th Doctor, I think I prefer the Tenth Doctor so far. Also, Rose is as hot as the sun. Not literally though, because the sun is like ten thousand degrees and if she was that hot she would die.
Is the phrase “Swift like Taylor” a common one? It really should be. If it isn’t, please start saying it, giving full credit to me, of course.
I’ve recently gained a new-found respect for Suzanne Collins. She actually made me feel sad when a cockroach died. I will always remember you, Tick.
The other day I decided to write an inspirational quote in my school’s bathroom stall. It’s a great change from the usual crude drawings of male reproductive organs and sayings such as, “_____’s a faggot!” and “Freshmen suck!”
The quote I wrote was “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.”-Benjamin Disraeli. When I came back to that stall the next day, I found that I had started a whole conversation written on the stall. Two kids called me a faggot, which is to be expected from not-very-smart adolescent males, but two other kids wrote kind words. The first one said, “That was so f*cking deep.” The second one said, (responding to the first comment), “I know right? I kind of want to turn my life around now. “
Speaking of Freshmen, I don’t get the random hatred of them. Is it because the upperclassmen are jealous of the fact that we’re freaky fresh? Yes, that must be it.
I’m going on a ski trip tomorrow. I have to wake up at four in the morning, which sucks. On the bright side, I get to go snowboarding and eat delicious waffles.
Taylor Swift sings about the same thing in every song, but I still love all of her songs.
Do all teenagers dance inappropriately at dances? Or is my school just exclusively slutty? I hope it’s the latter, because then I would have to give up on life.
I’m thinking about auditioning to play the next Doctor on Doctor Who. The only problem is, I’d have to fake a British accent, and I’m not very good at it at all. Whenever I try, everyone within twenty miles of me cringes uncontrollably and then kills their firstborn child.
I wrote this post in only twenty minutes, which I think is some type of record for me.
You now know everything there is to know about me, kind of.
I’m sorry for this god-awful post. Maybe it’s not that bad and I’m being too hard on myself. After all, I just crashed from the Red Bull and am suddenly feeling tired and depressed. Goodnight.
I’ve recently joined the Teens Can Write, Too! blog chain for January, and to be honest, I completely forgot today was the 21st. I could have sworn yesterday was the 17th. Anyway, the question is: “Is there one particular book that changed your life? If so, why did you originally choose to read it? What impact has it had on you?”
Are all the TCWT blog chain questions this deep? I hope so. It’s tough to pick one specific book that changed my life. There was The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and Looking for Alaska by John Green, but those books pale in significance compared to Stephen King’s The Stand: The Complete and Uncut Edition.
If I hadn’t read The Stand, I probably wouldn’t have a blog right now. I probably wouldn’t be reading as much as I do now. I would never have started watching Doctor Who (great show, by the way) or Vlogbrothers or have even known about WordPress at all.
Before I read this book, I referred to it as “That Giant Scary Book in my Dad’s Room.” The book was intimidating, and I never bothered to read it because of the fact that it was so huge. Yet I was always curious to see what was inside it. One day, when I was eleven years old, and was bored out of my mind with nothing to do, I looked at the book and said to it, “I will read you, giant book. I shall read every page of every chapter of your insides whether you like or not. I shall conquer you!” and the book looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Bring it, bitch.”
So I read the book, and it was the greatest book that eleven year old me had ever read. It’s no longer my favorite book; Stephen King got a tad bit over-descriptive in parts and the ending was a little bit of a letdown, but what stayed with me forever were King’s characters. To this day, the characters in The Stand are still some of the most realistic, three-dimensional characters I have ever had the pleasure to read about. This was the first book that I simply didn’t want to end.
The Stand has affected me in more than a few ways.
Before this book, I wasn’t that into reading. Now, reading has taken over my life much like heroin takes over the life of a junkie. I’m addicted to reading and writing, and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.
This book inspired me to try to write my own story. In fact, I’m writing my 550,000th draft of it right now.
There was one disturbing homosexual rape scene that caused more than a few mental scars for eleven year old me. (Seriously, don’t give this book to an eleven year old. There’s some pretty disturbing parts.) I recommend you skip that part of the book, or get the original version of it.
It gave me the confidence to read longer books. I’m no longer intimidated by giant, ten pound books anymore. So War and Peace, you better watch your back.
Looking back at my previous draft for the novel I’m working on, you could easily see Stephen King’s influence in my writing. It’s scary.
Though Stephen King is no longer my favorite author (he’s in second place), he did get me to read hundreds of other books, and that is the best gift anyone could ever give me. Except for Netflix. Netflix is awesome.
(Caution: There will be spoilers in this review. Read at your own risk.)
I love John Green, in the manliest way possible. His books are addicting, his characters are hilarious and his writing is great because 1) it sucks you into the story, 2) it feels like an actual teenager is talking, 3) the writing is simple yet complex (it makes sense, sort of) and 4) he uses this cool ‘1, 2, 3, 4…’ writing technique that I just stole from him.
So, me being me, I decided to review every single one of his books in a single post, each ranked in order from my least favorite to my most favorite. Then we can all discuss our favorite JG books whilst drinking tea and eating the delicious chocolate chip cookies my mom made earlier today.
5) An Abundance of Katherines: If I had one word to describe this book, it would be ‘bland.’ Compared to Green’s other novels, this book doesn’t have much of an engaging plot, a likable main character or a thought-provoking ending. Collin whined too much, Lindsey was cool, but not nearly as cool as Alaska, Margo or Hazel. I did like Hassan, though.
My favorite part of this book is when The Other Colin beat the shit of Colin. I felt like he had it coming, and after that moment, I started to like him, though not nearly as much as his other characters.
On the plus side, this book was hilarious, and I finished it knowing a bunch of useless facts. Rating: 6/10
4) Will Grayson, Will Grayson. This was the hardest book to get into, and by that, I mean it was only a little bit harder than all the JG books. Does this book even count as a John Green book? He only wrote half of this book. Oh well, I’m counting it.
At first I found John Green’s Will not interesting at all and David Levithan’s Will as interesting as it gets. By the end of the book, my opinion had flip-flopped. I know, it’s weird.
This book is definitely the gayest book I’ve ever read, though that’s not a bad thing, since that was sort of the whole theme of the book. Besides, this is the only book I’ve ever read with gay characters. Also, Tiny Cooper seemed like a gay stereotype to me, though I didn’t care. Cam from Modern Family is also a stereotype, yet both characters are hilarious.
I thought the ending was kind of dumb and extremely unrealistic. Seriously, there’s no way all of those Will Graysons could get to the play (if they agreed to do it, which was also pretty unlikely) in time. Hell, Grayson #2 himself didn’t even show up until there was only twenty minutes left or so (It’s been a while since I read the book, so I’m not sure on the details), but it was still pretty cool. Rating: 7/10
3) The Fault in Our Stars. I can never decide which book I like better: TFioS or LfA. Eventually I went with Looking for Alaska due to reasons I’ll explain later on. Anyway, this book was great. Hazel and Augustus were a breath of fresh air for John Green, character-wise. A common complaint about John Green is that his characters are all the same: nerdy guy plus awesome girl. I never really found this to be a problem, since I’ve never felt any deja vu with any of his characters.
People may complain that “No teenagers ever talk like this!” but they should probably know that 1) Hazel and Augustus aren’t normal kids to begin with, 2) Knowing you’re about to die forces you to grow up faster than the average teen, hence the advanced vocabulary, 3) You barely even notice the giant words they use after the second chapter or so, so it’s not that big of a deal and 4) Look, I’m using the ‘1, 2, 3…’ writing style again! See how cool it is? Would I be accused of plagiarism if I used this technique in my future book? If not, I’m using it.
The thing I didn’t like about this book was the trip to Netherlands. It was the one part of the book in which my attention wavered. I did like how the plot resolved, though, and I eventually came to like Peter Van Houten. The plot line just seemed out of touch with the rest of the book. I also thought the plot twist with Augustus getting cancer again was predictable. Not to brag or anything, but I called it twenty pages before it happened. Rating: 9/10
2) Looking for Alaska: This book beats out TFioS primarily because of the fact that I fell in love with Alaska. Seriously, we could have been together, had she not been a fictional character. We could have gotten married and have had smart but wild kids named Nebraska or Vermont. Though to be honest, we wouldn’t have lasted very long due to the fact that she’s emotionally unstable and quite possibly suicidal. Still, it’s worth a shot.
I feel like the title of this book is misleading. At first I thought the book would be about a couple of friends going on a road-trip to Alaska (Dibbs on that plotline, by the way), and then I thought the book would be about Pudge and The Colonel trying to find Alaska, who went missing. Instead, Alaska dies, which begs the question: Why is the title called “Looking for Alaska?” Trying to Find Out if Alaska Committed Suicide or Not seems like a much better title, although it’ll probably be shot down due to the fact that it’s a huge spoiler.
Also, why wasn’t Jake at Alaska’s funeral? That was never explained.
1) Paper Towns: I loved this book. I loved all the main characters, even with Quentin and Margo’s ugly names (no offense to people named Quentin or Margo; it’s just that I find your name extremely unattractive). The book was hilarious with a lot of sadness at the end. The book’s sort of like an episode of Scrubs, minus a deranged janitor.
Plus I love Margo (suck it, Alaska). She may be a little crazy, but everything about her was so fucking cool that it made up for that. She took Quentin on an amazing campaign for revenge that was so perfectly planned out and so bad-ass at the same time. This part of the book had me spending every moment of my Friday night reading–it also inspired me to go on my own mischievous campaign in the middle of the night, in which I ding-dong ditched my neighbor’s house, tripped on the front steps, dropped my phone, forgot to pick up my phone, ran away, fell again, realized I forgot my phone, ran back, got caught, apologized to the neighbor and went home in a bad mood. That was the night I realized I would never be as cool as Margo Roth Spiegelman.
The only problem I had with the book was that the writing randomly switched to present tense at one part in Part 2, went back to past tense, and then returned to present tense in Part 3. This was confusing, but I’m okay with it, since everything else was amazing.
I loved the ending, particularly because I live an hour’s drive from Agloe, New York. And I like how the book shows that you never truly know somebody; you just think you do.
I feel like I should mention Ben, Lacey, and Radar–the greatest secondary characters I’ve ever read about.
The other day I went snowboarding for the first time in my life, unless you count the tiny hill in my backyard (which I totally mastered). After six hours on the appropriately named “Mt. Snow,” I figured out one thing: snowboarding is hard.
This didn’t come as much of a shock to me. After all, I’ve been told by lots of people that snowboarding isn’t easy to master, and I took their words with a grain of salt. Though in hindsight, I probably should have taken their words with two grains of salt, because it was even harder than I thought it would be.
For one thing, I fell at least twenty times during the beginner lessons and at least seventy times when I went down the hills. It wasn’t necessarily the falling that sucked, it was the getting back up that got me frustrated. Getting back up on a snowboard is like standing back up without using your hands–it’s definitely possible, but a lot harder to do after a couple thousand or so times.
I also suck at stopping. Every time I tried to stop, I end up catching an edge and falling. Although to be honest, falling isn’t painful at all. Maybe it’s because of the adrenaline causing me to not notice the pain or something, but I had only felt pain once during the whole trip, when I caught an edge and fell head-first onto the ice. I would at the very least have gotten a concussion if it wasn’t for my handy-dandy helmet (helmets do save lives, kids!).
Did I mention that there was this amazing Waffle place called “The Waffle Cabin?” I could have sworn I saw this place on the travel channel. The waffles (topped with melted chocolate) were the best damn waffles I’ve ever had in my life, and I’ve had a helluva lot of waffles. These waffles completed my life.
There were a bunch of really cool people there, too. There was one bad-ass seven-year old snowboarder who was a million times better than me (way to help my self-esteem, kid) and a french guy whose name was Adrian, or at least a name similar to Adrian (his accent was as thick as the chocolate on those waffles I mentioned earlier).
Even though I’m extremely sore and horrible at it, I still can’t wait to go snowboarding again. Mostly for the waffles. And since I’ve had a full day of experience, I’m now certified to give newbies advice for their first day of snowboarding:
Don’t have friends who would lie about the difficulty of a slope just to see you fall. Those are the type of friends that’ll get you killed. Stay away from them.
Wristguards are your guardian angels. Make sure they’re with you at all times.
Bring extra socks.
Don’t listen to your mother when she tells you to put on fifty plus layers of clothing. If you do, you’ll either suffocate to death or drown in your sweat.
Just recently, The Sunshine Blogger nominated me for my first ever award. I didn’t even bribe her or anything, which just makes the award that much more sincere. So to the Sunshine Blogger: I thank you for nominating me. And Gwendolyn is an awesome name.
The Reader Appreciation Award Rules:
1. Link back to the person who nominated you.
2. Attach the icon to your site.
3. Answer the attached questions.
4. Nominate 6 bloggers who you feel deserve this award.
1. What is your favorite color?
2. What is your favorite animal?
Dogs, then clownfish (Nemo!).
3. What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Yoohoo. I once wrote a poem about Yoohoo, where I drank it and then it raped me. I was so horrified by what I just wrote that I threw the page into the fire and went to see a psychologist.
4. What is your favorite number?
5. What is your favorite day of the week?
Fridays. Every great moment in my life seems to happen on Friday nights. I’m not sure why.
I mostly watch Doctor Who and The Walking Dead on Netflix. The only shows I watch on the actual TV are How I Met Your Mother and Modern Family.
9. Who is your favorite author?
I’m stuck between John Green and Stephen King. In the end, I think I’ll pick John Green, as John Green also has an awesome vlogbrother’s channel which is awesome. He also donates to a lot of charities and started a thing called, “Positive Pranking.”
10. Do you like 80′s movies?
Only some of them, such as Die Hard, Forest Gump and Ferris Bueller’s Day off.
11. How do you like your eggs?
I agree with Gwendolyn: Really hard or scrambled.
12. When did you discover blogging?
A few weeks ago. And I regret having never done it before.
13. Why do you like to blog?
Because I enjoy talking and getting to know people living hundreds or thousands of miles away from me. And it’s fun.
Five Things About Me:
I went snowboarding the other day for the first time. You can expect a post from me about that tomorrow.
I like to write positive and inspirational quotes on bathroom stalls.
I’m seven episodes into Doctor Who right now. And I’m not sure how I feel about the show. The effects are cheesy and the villains have never been menacing at all, but the Doctor is awesome and Rose is hot, so I’m okay with that.
I love the soundtrack to the Dark Knight, and I will never shut up about it until someone agrees with me that it’s awesome. Especially listen to the last minute of the video. With Beats. And the volume on high. With your eyes close as to enhance your other senses.
I read Yahoo articles entirely for the comments.
Passing the award on to the following bloggers: (I’m only going to do three, if that’s okay for now.)
Liam, Head Phil. His blog is awesome, and he was also kind enough to let me write a guest post.
Nevillegirl: I’m definitely reading The Underland Chronicles because of her. (I was going to read it before, but now I’m moving the books up on my list of books to read.)
Bouts of Lunacy: Although we don’t know each other that much, we do like the smell of books.
If anyone nominated doesn’t want to participate, you don’t have to. Many people may find blog awards annoying. (Though I bet they secretly love it.)