Doctor Who Series 8 Teaser Trailer: An In-Depth Analysis

I’m back everyone, and I’m healthy now, too. I’d make a bunch of excuses for my lack of posting lately*, but instead I’ll just dive straight into the teaser, pointing out all the symbolism, hidden meanings and foreshadowing that many of you less intelligent folk might’ve missed.

0:00: A pitch black screen. Is this Moffat’s way of saying that the new series will be darker and edgier than ever? If this means more Game of Thrones-esque beheadings and nudity, I hope so. Or perhaps it symbolizes the darkness inside the Doctor’s soul, which may play a major part in his journey to find Gallifrey and his ultimate decision to bring it back into the universe. Only time will tell.

0:01: Just like the Twelfth Doctor himself, the title pops up out of nowhere, for some reason. I believe this means we can expect more scary monsters to appear, which makes me optimistic for the show’s future.

0:02: Notice how the title starts out big and shrinks to a smaller, more reasonable size. This may foreshadow a decrease in the Doctor’s self-esteem. This is a brilliant, inspired piece of plotting, if you ask me.

0:04: We are shown a split second glimpse of the Doctor standing in the Tardis interior, with flames/weird lights bursting from the interior. Perhaps that’s not actually the twelfth Doctor, but The Master instead? It would explain why the Tardis doesn’t appear to be in a healthy state. Actually, there are rumors that the new companion, Danny Pink, is actually the Master in disguise, and it looks like this teaser has just confirmed it. Wow, way to give away such a major twist already, Moffat. Geez. Trailers reveal way too much these days.

0:05: Now the screen is completely blank again, almost definitely representing a companion’s death. Looks like Clara won’t make it to the ninth season, by the way things look. Killing off a major character is a bold thing to do, especially for a children’s show, but I think I like this new dark, pessimistic direction the show seems to be taking. It’s much more… sophisticated, in my humble-yet-superior opinion.

0:06: The shot keeps flickering while spooky music plays in the background, which makes me wonder: could series eight actually be a continuation of the one of the most subtle story arcs in the show’s history? Think about it: there were a lot of instances where light was shown flickering. Three times in Asylum of the Daleks and also in Blink, The Time of Angels and Flesh and Stone. What do all these episodes have in common? All were written by the Moffat himself. We might have just found ourselves in a story arc starting all the back from series 3. Perhaps even earlier.

0:07: I like the clever juxtaposition of the dark, ominous background music and the happy DW logo that brings hope and joy to Whovians all over the world. Well done, Moffat. I never knew you have such a great sense of cinematic art.

0:09: Remember how River Song, back in series 5, said how the Tardis wasn’t actually supposed to make that sound—it was just the Doctor leaving the breaks on? Well, perhaps that wasn’t just some throwaway line, and actually some very subtle foreshadowing on Moffat’s part. Here we hear the Tardis sound, and we know that the Doctor is on the search for Gallifrey. Perhaps this is symbolizing that the Doctor is subconsciously stalling himself from finding his home planet? He says he wants to find it, but perhaps he is secretly afraid of what he’ll find? Man, that is deep.

0:10: There is a bright flashing light that then dissolves into the BBC One logo, that looks eerily similar to the Tardis exploding. Could this mean the show plans to revisit the events of series 5?

0:11: Now you could see “The New Doctor Lands,” while familiar, catchy music plays in the background. Notice how it says ‘lands,’ and not ‘arrives’ or ‘is back.’ Clearly, this is alluding to the Doctor landing on Gallifrey, or perhaps Earth or some other planet? Looks like we can expect to see new alien planets this series, or perhaps a Titanic themed episode. Or maybe the Slitheen are making a comeback.

0:13: Now “This August” is added. Notice how it doesn’t clarify on which series it is. This is probably because of the whole series/season** conflict, and the show runners don’t want to start a bunch of arguments in the comments that go a little like:

U.K. fan: It’s series 8, not season 8. Get it right.

American fan: Actually, this is a season. The show as a whole is what you’d call a series. Gosh, get a clue, stupid Brit.

U.K. fan: Maybe in America, where everyone is fat and lazy, but this is a British TV show, and thus should have British terms applied to it.

American fan: I’ll have you know that you British folk are almost just as bad as us when it comes to obesity rates, so you can’t really say anything there. Go drink some tea and watch Top Gear, loser.

U.K fan: Sorry, I couldn’t hear you, over the sound of our UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE!!!

Sheldon: Bazinga.

So that was a wise move on Moffat’s part.

0:14: The teaser trailer ends, leaving us with quite a lot to work with. From just fourteen seconds, we now know that:

  1. The show will head in a darker direction. We can expect beheadings and nudity.
  2. A plot twist regarding the series five finale will be revealed.
  3. Amy Pond will make a return, along with the Slitheen and the exploding Tardis.
  4. This will be the most aesthetically impressive series.
  5. The Doctor will land somewhere.
  6. Series 8 will air in August.
  7. That’s it, really.

*I had mild elbow pain. You can’t possible expect me to be productive when I have mild elbow pain, can you?

**In the United States of America, and several other countries, I assume, shows are divided into seasons, and as a whole are considered series. While in the U.K. and other countries, an American season is considered a series. This causes all sorts of confusion and misunderstandings and several tragic deaths, yet both sides refuse to agree on a single term. Also, I apologize if I offended anyone with that fake argument above, but in my defense, I’ve seen several conversations on YouTube that were startlingly similar.

Also, check out Tess the Dancer’s entry for my blog party. It’s so terrible that it made me wonder whether the terribleness was actually intentional or not, and I think that was the point, so great job, Tess.

The Grammar Police

Advertisements

The Five Worst Fictional Mothers

In honor of Mother’s Day, I decided to write a list of the five worst fictional mothers I could think of. I’m not sure why I bothered to type that last sentence, since I’m sure you’ve already figured that out from the title.

Before I begin, I should point out that unfortunately, I have yet to read/watch every single book, movie and TV show in existence, so chances are I’ll be leaving a few of them out. Feel free to comment with your list below.

Also, I didn’t bother to write a “Best Five Worst Fictional Mothers” list, because I think we all know how that would go:

  1. Molly Weasley
  2. Molly Weasley.
  3. Molly Weasley’s mother, because Molly sure didn’t get those parenting skill just by learning on the job.
  4. Molly Weasley.
  5. Molly Weasley.

Now, onto the real list:

(Caution: Spoilers for 5, 4 and 2.)

5) Lori Grimes, from The Walking Dead.

Lori gets a lot of hate from Walking Dead fans, and most of it is completely deserved. She’s whiny, inconsistent, and somehow managed to crash her car on an empty road. But that’s not important. The worst part is that she’s a comically bad mother, to the point where it became a running joke amongst the fans how she never knew where her son was. You could also blame Carl for this, since he always used to leave the house without telling anyone, but he still shouldn’t have gotten away with it so many times.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately?) once she started to improve, she died in a rather brutal, tragic way that made me forget how much I disliked her over the last two and a half seasons.

4) Brianna Barkesdale, from The Wire.

Brianna loves her son D’Angelo and will do anything for him—providing it doesn’t mess with her standard of living. And so when her son gets arrested because of his family’s drug selling shenanigans, she guilts him into agreeing to spend twenty years in prison and not rat them out. Not cool, Ma.


3) Cersei Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire, by George R. R. Martin, and it’s TV adaptation.

Cersei loves her kids, that much is clear. But she loves them a little too much, to the point where she’s willing to forgive them (particularly Joffrey) for just about anything. I’m not one to lecture people on their parenting tactics, but if your son cuts open a pregnant cat just for teehees, you should at the very least give him a time out.

2) Margaret White from Carrie, by Stephen King.

This woman’s crazy, what with her extremely strict religious beliefs that might have been acceptable back in the puritan times, but nowadays would be considered insane. She even punishes her daughter—by locking her in a closet—for daring to get her period. (It should also be noted that she never even informed Carrie about the whole menstruation cycle to begin with, leaving her scared and confused in the girl’s locker room as everyone else made fun of her.) Her terrible parenting is what made Carrie such an outcast to begin with, and if it weren’t for her I’m sure the whole prom disaster never would’ve happened.

1) Lysa Tully from A Song of Ice and Fire, by George R. R. Martin, and it’s TV adaptation.

She is just all types of crazy, isn’t she? She’s basically the Westeros equivalent of a helicopter parent who still breastfeeds her eight year old son. *shudders*

I like to think that if she has taken a more, shall we say, relaxed version of parenting, Robin might not had turned out as bratty, creepy or as sickly as he is now.

So what do you think? Who would you put on your “Worst Fictional Moms Ever” list? More importantly, Happy Mother’s Day.

Top Ten Things Going Through Ned Stark’s Head…

Caution: HUGE spoilers for Game of Thrones.

So I couldn’t think of anything to post that wouldn’t take a long time, so I decided to make a list partially inspired by David Letterman’s Top Ten list and partially inspired by Ned Stark getting his head chopped off.

The unfortunate thing is, we really never really got a chance to figure out what Ned was thinking right before he was beheaded. Even in the book, the whole incident was described from Arya’s point of view, which made it even more tragic, if you think about it. Luckily, I have a deep understanding of Ned Stark’s character, and I think it’s safe to say I could figure what Ned was most likely thinking. And the top ten most likely thoughts are:

*drum roll please*

10) I must admit, I did not see this coming.

9) At least my family’s safe now.

8) Perhaps I shouldn’t have trusted Littlefinger.

7) I can’t even.

6) Maybe if I quickly jerk my head away right before the sword comes down….

5) Man, I really shouldn’t have left Winterfell.

4) *humming the Game of Thones opening theme* God, that song’s catchy.

3) It’s okay. My son will avenge me.

2) Wait a minute—David Letterman’s retiring? But who’s going to replace him now? I guess I’d be okay with Craig Ferguson, but still, that sucks. And here I thought Oprah leaving was heartbreaking…

And the number one thing going through Ned Stark’s head before he lost it is…

1) The Hand of the king? Worst. Job. Ever.

Mini Reviews: The Catcher in the Rye, The Wire (Season 1) and A Feast for Crows

Spoiler Warning: There’s a chance of spoilers for any of these three books/shows, but only within those reviews. So say you’ve read The Catcher in the Rye and seen The Wire, but haven’t yet read A Feast for Crows, you could just read the reviews for the first two and skip AFfC.

(Yes, I did get this idea from Liam, Head Phil. I hope he doesn’t mind.)

 

The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger

Rating: 2.5/5 stars. (It was okay.)

Boy was I conflicted about this book. I really was. That’s the thing about these goddamn literary critics, they’re always saying this madman stuff about how this book changed their lives. That kills me, when they do that. It really does.

*stops imitating the voice because it’s been done a hundred times before*

The most surprisingly part about this novel was Holden himself. I’d been told he was all angsty, and how he had all this insight into the phoniness of society and whatnot. But no one told me he was an idiot. He never said anything even somewhat intelligent, and really just spent the whole book doing one stupid thing after the other, never changing or learning from his mistakes. It was perhaps the most depressing book I’ve ever read.

I did however, like the prose. Over fifty years later, it’s still authentic and it perfectly gets you into Holden’s head. And clearly, J.D. Salinger had to have been doing something right, because I read the first 150 pages in one day, which is saying something, considering the only two emotions I could gather for Holden were annoyance and pity.

Favorite character: Phoebe!

The Wire (Season 1)

Rating: 4.5/5. (Meaning: I loved it.)

I’ve been told that The Wire was the best TV show of all time. Not just “one of” the best TV shows, or the “best show on TV right now,” but the best show of all time. So of course my expectations were high.

I was still hesitant on watching it, because even hardcore fans of the show said that it didn’t really get you hooked until around the third episode, and that made me raise an eyebrow or two. What good TV show, especially one considered to be the best ever, takes three full hours to get you interested? Despite my doubts, I decided to watch it anyway, prepared to fight through the initial boredom.

I don’t know if it was because my expectations were so low, but I loved the first episode, more than I love shrimp. I didn’t even care about the absence of Omar (who was my biggest reason for watching), I was so invested in the show I immediately watched the second episode afterwards. Then the third episode. And I finished the whole season within a week. It almost reminded me of Game of Thrones, but in an inner-city setting, with no fantasy elements. There were no black-and-white characters (hell, some of the policemen were worse than the criminals they were after), and all of them were more complex and authentic than those from any other cop show I’ve ever seen, and so when a character was in danger, the show managed to be as tense as a Breaking Bad episode.

(To be honest, I don’t think it’s better than Breaking Bad, at least so far. Although I think if you were to compare the first season of BB to the first season of The Wire, this show would come out on top.)

My favorite character: Wallace, though not anymore. *cries* My second favorite would probably be Omar, then Bubbles, then Kima. I can go on and on.

A Feast for Crows, by George R.R. Martin.

Rating: 3/5. (I like it, but it’s admittedly flawed.)

I expected to hate this so much more than I did. Because everyone in the ASoIaF seems to consider this to be the worst book in the series, which is probably true (I have yet to read A Dance with Dragons) but it wasn’t terrible. And the claims that “Nothing happened,” is complete nonsense. Important stuff happened in this book, especially in the last two hundred pages of so.

You also get to read from Cersei’s point of view, and she’s just as petty and crazy (and entertaining) as you’d expect her to be. Brienne’s chapters lagged at times, and were for the most part, pointless, but her final chapter may be one of the best in the whole series. Jaime continues on his way on the path of redemption, and it’s almost impossible for me to see him as the same man from the first book, he’s changed so much. Also, Sam meets up with Arya in a scene that I really wish lasted longer but was brilliant nonetheless. (That whole chapter was great.)

Sure, there were fewer major game changers than, say, A Storm of Swords, but I saw it as lots and lots of build-up. And judging from the little I’ve read of A Dance with Dragons, the next book will also be a lot of build up, and The Winds of Winter will hopefully have the same pace of the first three novels.

Also, I wished the Iron Islands storylines were only told from Asha Greyjoy’s perspective. Euron Damphair and Victarion were just all-around terrible people, and I think the storyline would’ve flowed better if it had been told from only one character’s perspective. It doesn’t hurt that Asha is the only somewhat likable character in the entire Greyjoy family.

Favorite character: Arya Stark, though I think she’d win for every ASoIaF book so far. Too bad she only had three chapters. It’s weird to think that the Starks, who were six of the eight POV characters in the first book, only got six chapters combined in this one. It’s depressing to think about.

A close second would be Sansa Stark. Knowing she wouldn’t appear in any more of the published books, I savored every moment we got from her perspective, knowing she may very well die, and even if she didn’t there was a good chance I wouldn’t get to read a Sansa chapter for a couple years.

Speaking of which, I hereby predict the fates of all the remaining Starks:

Jon: He’s in the highest position of power a bastard could ever hope for. So yeah, things probably aren’t going to end well for him. He’ll probably die via assassination. By Janos Slynt, would be my first guess.

Arya: I wouldn’t be surprised if she died in the end, and it would be tragic. I wouldn’t mind as long as it was in the very last book. I’m not kidding when I say that if she and Tyrion died and there were still over 500 pages left in the story, I would stop reading. So leave those two alone, Martin.

Sansa: She’s nice and safe now, as Littlefinger’s pawn. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up Queen of Westeros. Considering how she’s grown wiser without losing her compassion (yet), I think she’d make a good one, one day.

Bran: If he dies before he could make an impact on the main storyline, I will shake an angry fist in Martin’s general direction. He better survive until at least the final book.

Rickon: Who the hell is he?

Game of Thrones: First of His Name Review

(Caution: Spoilers for all Game of Thrones episodes up to this point. But none for anything that has yet to happen in the books.)

Well that was pretty satisfying, wasn’t it? While the first three seasons seemed to make a habit out of killing off all the beloved characters, this season seems to be (finally) killing off all the despicable ones. The ones we love to hate. First Polliver, then Joffrey, and now Owen Harper’s twin (Korl), Nicely Bearded Man (Locke) and the rest of those raping, baby-sacrificing mutineers. By this rate, Cersei, Ramsay, Tywin, Walder Frey, Roose Bolton, Lysa Tully, Janos Slynt, and Alliser Thorne should all be dead by the end of the season. Though I’m sure if that happens, the show will simply add a bunch of new despicable characters to the mix.

Also, poor Hodor. While Bran using him to kill Locke-the-hand-cutter-offer was a necessary—and really cool—move, it was still messed up, taking over someone’s body against their will. Hodor looked pretty damned confused and upset when Bran left his mind, and that just makes me confused and upset. Oh well, at least Bran can continue on his way to the three-eyed raven. I’m disappointed that there wasn’t a Stark reunion, but I couldn’t see how such a thing could happen without Jon taking them back to the wall, and no one wants that.

Meanwhile Lysa Tully and her son are just as warm and cuddly as they were back in season one. As in, not at all. Although I did get a good chuckle out of Lysa’s screams after the wedding, as even Sansa from her separate room could hear her. What? I’m immature.

It’s also revealed, in an extremely clunky exposition scene, that Littlefinger was basically behind everything that happened in the entire series so far. Betcha didn’t see that coming, huh? Littlefinger might have even surpassed Varys (whose gotten about ten minutes of screen time this entire season) in sneakiness. Now if only he wasn’t so much of a sex-offender, I might actually come to like him.

I should point out that if no one gets pushed out of that moon door, I’m going to start swinging. I believe a wise man once said about storytelling: If a gun is shown in the beginning, someone better fire it by the end. Similarly, if a door leading to a six hundred foot drop is revealed, someone important better be falling out of it. Personally, I hope it’s Lil’ Wayne. That guy needs to go.

Meanwhile, Daenerys realizes she hasn’t done nearly as good of a job at freeing Slaver’s Bay as she thought she did, and so she makes the decision to stay in Meereen and do what Queens do—she will stall. Just get to Westeros already, sheesh.

Meanwhile, Cersei is being sympathetic lately, but I think it’s an act. She’s totally just manipulating the judges for Tyrion’s trial. The judges are Tywin, Oberyn, and Mace Tyrell (Margaery’s father) and she is coincidentally acting nice to them all of a sudden. Letting Mace Tyrell know she’s actively trying to make his daughter a queen will surely put him on her side, and letting the Red Viper know she doesn’t approve of the whole “murdering little girls” thing certainly couldn’t hurt.

Some other thoughts:

  • I found it hilarious how Margaery was all, “Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it,” when it came to marrying Tommen. Ha, good one, Marge.
  • I feel terrible for Sansa right now. First she’s betrothed to Joffrey, then to an eight (nine? ten?) year old kid who still breastfeeds. Speaking of which, are there any people left who still hate on Sansa? There better not be.
  • Neither Jaime, Davos or Tyrion got any lines in this episode, yet I didn’t notice their absence at all.
  • Jojen’s visions were perhaps the most intriguing part of the episode, and a marvel to look at. Go Team Bran! I’m rooting for you now.
  • Arya’s sword moves were extremely well-choreographed. Is Maisie Williams some sort of dancer in real life? I wouldn’t be surprised. Also, it should go without saying that every scene with her and the Hound is pure gold, despite the fact that they don’t advance the plot at all.

Rating: 8 out of 10. Good, but I don’t want to rate it too high unless a better episode comes along. (Reminder: my ratings are worthless.)

So what did you think of the episode? Did you like it? Did you kind of like it? Or did you hate it more than Joffrey? Comment below, unless you don’t want to.

7 Interesting Facts About Myself

I was awarded The Versatile Blog Award by The Legendary Miko yesterday, in what may or may not have been just a sneaky attempt to find out more about me. Anywho, I am flattered, and am willing to comply.

This doesn’t mean that I’m already out of post ideas, by the way. I have a good fifty posts floating around my head right now. The problem is, twelve of them are sick with the flu, seven of them are racists and the rest are playing a rather racy game of truth-or-dare, so it’s taking a while to sort them all out. Until then, you will all get the privilege of learning more about me through this post.

The rules you can find on Miko’s blog (link above). I won’t be nominating anyone and I won’t be including the picture, because I’m doing this on my phone and that would be really hard to do.

7 Interesting Facts About Myself:

1) My favorite food is shrimp. I’m not sure if it’s just because of the taste (amazing) or because of how infrequently I get to have it (annoying). I guess I just want what I can’t have, and 99% of the time, I simply can’t have shrimp. But whenever I’m at a party and I see shrimp being served, I waste no time in eating as much of it as I can without being rude. I really want some shrimp right now…

2) Scrubs is my favorite comedy show ever. Sure, it declined in quality in the later series, and let’s not even talk about season 9, but for the first four or five seasons it was the perfect blend of comedy, drama, nice music and character development. The perfect sitcom (though I wouldn’t call it a sitcom).

3)I was afraid of the ocean until I was about ten years old. In my defense, my experience with beaches, even the weird ones with no waves, have never been pleasant. It didn’t help that my parents decided to show us Jaws right before going. (Really dad? What the hell?)

4) Coincidentally, the day I got over my fear of the ocean was the same day several of my cousins and I almost drowned due to a pesky undertow and a couple of unobservant lifeguards.The tide/current/whatever was pulling us away from the beach, and there wasn’t much we could do about it, except wave to the lifeguards, who were too busy reading The Davinci Code to be paying attention. Not that I blame them. That book was quite the page-turner.

5) Also, I should add that the fact that I almost drowned absolutely nothing to make me fear the ocean again. Riding the waves is just that fun. Besides, drowning to death is supposedly one of the least painful ways to go. Though the coolest way to die would have to be from getting slapped by a continent-sized mechanical hand. I believe the U.S.military is working on that right now.

6) Speaking of drowning, my father has been involved in a family curse. His name is [name withheld], and everyone in his family with that name ended up drowning to death. Seriously, every single one. Of course, no one bothered to let his parents in on this particular piece of information, otherwise I doubt they would have given him that name.

Anyway, a couple decades ago he was on a sinking ship (I think one passenger drowned) and didn’t drown, so we like to think he broke the curse. *fingers crossed*

7) I am Sherlock Holmes.

Game of Thrones: Breaker of Chains Review

Caution: There will be spoilers in this review (duh) for every episode up to this point in the TV show. But nothing in the books will be spoiled, because books are for NEEEERRRDSSS!

(kidding)

First off, sorry this review is so late. In my defense, The Way Way Back aired on HBO just ten minutes after Game of Thrones, so I started watching that and it was so good I forgot everything that happened in this episode, (except for that one scene, but I’ll get to that later) so I had to watch it again.

A lot happened in this episode. To be more specific, a lot happened in this episode that didn’t happen in the books, which makes sense, I guess. Because I know about all the great, mind-blowing scenes that should take place in episodes eight, nine and ten (and maybe seven), but I don’t remember exactly what will take place until then. Luckily, I liked most of the changes, so this isn’t going to be a problem for me.

Let’s start off with the opening scene: Sansa and that fool Dontos are running away from the chaotic mess of a wedding while tense music plays in the background. And then they get on a boat with Littlefinger, that sneaky guy who’d probably be registered as a sex offender (or worse) if he lived in our society. After casually killing Dontos, Baelish then explains how the necklace was used to poison Joffrey. The audience now knows that either a) he was the mastermind behind Joffrey’s poisoning, or b) This is all just one hell of a coincidence. But that leaves the question of who put the poison in Joffrey’s wine (or was it in the pigeon pie somehow?) since Littlefinger obviously wasn’t there. I think it was Joffrey himself was the one who did it, if only to frame Tyrion for his death.

Tywin was the MVP of this episode, as he talked with Tommen about what makes a good king, not even attempting to hide his apathy over Joffrey’s death. (Speaking of which, did the actor playing Joffrey just have to lay down completely still for the whole scene? The poor guy.)

The one scene I really didn’t like was the one where Jaime raped Cersei. I’ve read about the showrunner’s intent with the scene and I at least know where they were coming from, but I still wasn’t a fan. Jaime’s supposed to be on a redemption arc, and his storyline is widely considered one of the best in the series because of this. And that one scene screwed the whole thing up. You can’t make a character likeable by having him rape his twin sister inches away from his dead son. One of book Jaime’s (and show Jaime’s, at least until now) redeeming features was his attitude towards rape. As in, he strongly disapproved, and he had at least one man beheaded for it. I feel like this scene betrayed his character, and that’s not cool.

It’s going to be very, very tough to make Jaime likeable after this scene. (Although admittedly, I would’ve said the same thing after he attempted murder on Bran in the first episode.) And I’d consider this to be the only big mistake the show’s made so far.

In other news, Sam is an idiot. In order to protect Gilly from possibly getting raped by other members of the Night’s Watch, he sends her to a disgusting, dirty brothel-like place that looks more like a meth den than anything else. You’d think after killing an ice zombie, he’d be a little more confident and bit less of a wimp. I still like Sam, after all he’s perhaps the most relateable character in the series, but it feels he hasn’t grown as a character at all.

Meanwhile, Ygritte’s helping a bunch of cannibals slaughter a village that seems to filled with mostly just women and children, Jon tells the Night’s Watch that those people at Craster’s might possibly cause some trouble, and Stannis is trying to take credit for Joffrey’s death.

Shut up, Stannis. You didn’t do shit. You just burned a bunch of people to death and complained a lot. The good news is, at least Davos has something to do, now that’s he’s sending a letter to the Bank of Bravvos. Would you care to let the audience in on your plan here, Davos? No? You’d rather just be all coy about it? Fine with me.

This doesn’t have a whole lot to do with this episode, but I find it funny.

In other news:

  • Tyrion has a sad scene with Podrick Payne, showing just how much better of a person Tyrion is, compared to just about everyone else in King’s Landing. He has a conscience! Love it when people have those. Plus it goes to say that Podrick was the coolest kid in Westeros, even before he turned out to be a sex god.* He’s like Duncan from The Way, Way Back, but just a little bit taller.
  • Arya and the Hound were just as entertaining as ever in this episode. Can they just start solving mysteries already, please?
  • Daenerys’ final scene was great (because symbolism!). I don’t know about you guys, but I like this new version of Daario. That may be because I don’t remember him at all from the books.
  • Those cannibal wildling people are creepy.

My rating: Probably around a seven. The Way Way Back was much more groovy.

So what did you think, reader? Were you surprised by the Littlefinger reveal? Were you mad at the Jaime-Cersei scene? Are you disappointed that Tommen isn’t an obese eight-year old, and he doesn’t have a fondness for kittens? I know I am.

I want Tommen to look like this kid!