“But Matt!” you say. “It’s eighteen days into the new year, and you’re only just now writing this post?”
Well in my defense, I was busy. Also, it was cold outside, and I was distracted by the lack of snow.
Well, here it goes.
1) Ski Club!
Fun fact: I have not actually been to a mountain yet this year, in part due to the complete and utter lack of snow so far. Thanks a lot, El Niño!
But hopefully they’ll be at least a little bit of snow soon, and I’ll be able to finally complete my transformation into the next Shawn White.
2) Finally getting to read The Winds of Winter
Is it considered a jinx if I just assume that the next book in A Song of Ice and Fire will be released this year? Well too bad, because if I don’t tell myself that, I will have to cry. And I am one ugly crier, I’ll tell you that.
Oh, and is anyone willing to bet on the release date? Because my money’s on August 19th.
3) The completion of The Raven Cycle, by Maggie Stiefvater.
I can hear some of you saying things along the lines of, “But I haven’t read these books, so I can’t relate!” To which I say, “Well, you should probably get on that, real quick.”
These books are magical, and they sort of remind me of HBO’s The Wire, which may seem ridiculous to anyone who’s seen The Wire and has read these books, but hear me out: the pacing, man. Maggie’s pacing in the first three books, at least, is so similar to the pacing of any season of The Wire (particularly seasons 1, 3, and 5), in that it’s extremely patient, and the moment you start to feel like not much is happening, everything starts happening at once, in a way that doesn’t seem rushed at all. The way both stories build momentum is nothing short of stunning.
4) A Plethora of TV shows.
Orange is the New Black, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Veep, The Walking Dead, possibly The Leftovers, all are coming back this year, and it’s going to be awesome. (Well, except for maybe the Walking Dead, but I’ll be watching it either way.)
There’s also a TV adaptation of Stephen King’s time travel novel 11/23/63, starring James Motherfucking Franco, so that should be cool.
I’m also hoping for a mini-series based on Stephen King’s It and The Stand, but that’s probably not going to happen.
5) Finally finding out if those colleges accepted me or not.
I’ve gotten one acceptance letter so far, and another one didn’t decline me, but they instead put me on a waiting list. So that leaves three colleges of whom I shall patiently wait for a reply.
This patient waiting has so far consisted of staying within view of my mailbox from 11 to 3 every day, and rushing outside the moment I see the mailman show up. I then open up said mailbox, only to be disappointed by the lack of large envelopes inside.
I choose to believe that college is nothing but nonstop drugs, sex, and partying, and will continue to think of it as such until I actually get there, where I will promptly discover that I was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CORRRRREEECT! (#ooorah)
I know you can’t see me right now, but rest assured that I am currently fist-pumping in the air as hard as I can. And now I’m chugging an entire bottle of vodka, just to prepare myself for the binge-drinking that will be required of me in several months. Where did I get this vodka? I don’t remember, but it tastes like what mouth wash would’ve tasted like had it been mixed in hand sanitizer first.
7) The Presidential Election.
I’ll be eligible to vote for the first time this year, and I definitely will, mostly because well, why would anyone not vote if given the chance?
I haven’t watched any of the GOP debates. Well, I have, but I had to stop after just a little bit, because I was getting some serious 1984 vibes from it, and it was unnerving. The last democratic debate (basically, the only one I’ve watched in full), was a lot more bearable, although holy shit guys, the moderators had such an obvious bias against Martin O’Malley, it was just plain sad. (Why let the guy on stage at all if you’re not going to let him speak?)
8) A spacecraft is totally going to land on Jupiter.
Fun fact: NASA has released a spacecraft that is set to land in that giant-ass planet in July, so that’s pretty cool.
And you should know that the fact that I’m now listing things that have no effect on me means that I am out of ideas, and am completely phoning in the last three bullet points.
9) The Summer Olympics!
I’mma be honest. I’d forgotten that the Olympics were even a thing that exists, but now that I’m reminded of it, I couldn’t be more pumped. Is Michael Phelps going to compete again? Will Usain Bolt run super duper fast this time or just super fast? Will anyone actually watch the golf tournament? Only time will tell.
10) The Super Bowl
Was it just me, or were last year’s advertisements for the super bowl really, really bad? I remember thinking, “Come on Coke. Come on Bud Light, Doritos, Ford, etc.. You spend millions of dollars per second on these ads and this is the best you could do? I’m disappointed. You all disgust me.”
Hopefully those companies will actually put some goddamn effort in this time.
Well, that’s all I could think of. How do you feel about this list? What are you looking forward to this year? Also, am I a terrible person, or is this GoDaddy commercial not the funniest thing ever? It was withdrawn from the Superbowl due to OUTRAGE and to be honest, I don’t really get why it’s so offensive. It’s shocking, definitely, but much better than the obvious sexism shown in all their other commercials.
Oh well. Maybe I am just a terrible person.