In which I share with you the funniest joke of all time

There’s this site called “Anti-Joke,” that a few years ago I used to read. As said in the website, Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of joke that’s set up in a traditional joke format. But it ends with such an anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. “The lack of punchline is the punchline.”

This site perfectly encapsulated my sense of humor at the time. I looked back at them today, and while some of them aren’t nearly as funny as I remember, there are a few that I still find hilarious. 

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

“Get in the car.”

Or:

A dog walks into a bar, and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed inside.

“Matt,” you be saying. “These jokes are stupid. They have no punchline.”

I’d have to agree with you there, but that’s what makes it funny. The way it plays with your expectations is pretty much unheard of.

So here is the joke that, many years after I first read it, I still find it hilarious. I crack up during random, unrelated moments due to thinking about it. This joke keeps me up at night sometimes, making me laugh. I’ve told it to many people, and they always react in either two ways:

  1. They find it to be stupidest, most unfunny joke they’ve ever heard, and they hate me for wasting their time. Or,
  2. They find it just as funny as I do.

Hopefully you’ll fall in the second group, but if you don’t, I won’t blame you. Here it goes:

___________________

A man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there’s this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, “Say, what’s up with the guy with the big orange head?” And the bartender says, “It’s an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he’ll tell it to you.”

So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, “Yeah, I’ll bet you want to know the story, huh?” To which the man replies, “Sure, if you don’t mind.”

The man with the big orange head sighs and says, “You know, I’ve gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it’s like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little — when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!

“The genie thundered, ‘You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'”

The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: “So I said, ‘Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.’

“The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills — I mean, I was loaded!

“So I said, ‘Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.’

“The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.

“The genie booms, ‘You have one wish remaining.'”

The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, “Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.”

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10 thoughts on “In which I share with you the funniest joke of all time

      1. I posted it on my old site. It’s rather long, so I’ll wait until I get to my laptop to type it.

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