My Goals for Autumn 2015

This is the most autumn-y post in the history of autumn.

So yes, my goals for the summer didn’t go too well. If that post was a test, my teacher would’ve written “see me” on the top of it. But there’s no shame in failing, as long as you try your best. 

Of course, I didn’t actually try my best, so there is some shame after all. *shrugs*  Anywho, I’m going to try again, this time for the wonderful season of autumn. Which in New York is known as: that season in which everything dies and all the color slowly fades from the earth. It’s a fun time, really.

(Note: there will only be seven goals this season. Life is short, and so are my prospects.)  

Goal #1) Get Straight A’s.  

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet, but my grades during the last year or two haven’t exactly been stellar. You’d all be appalled by my terrible work ethic. Luckily, however, I nailed the SATs, (#genius) and in my college essay I wrote about a story that excuses my poor grades while also making it clear that I am now more motivated than ever. (That last part isn’t strictly true, but hey, I’ll let the colleges hear what they want to hear.) You may not think much of this approach, but at least it’s better than the first essay I wrote.

Yo, I’mma be honest, I ain’t the best student. But y’know what? If you let me in, I’ll holla at e’rrybody up in my school and I’ll tell’em, “Yo, Binghamton University is the real deal! You should apply there if you know what’s good for ya.”

The only problem is, if I don’t do well in the first half of my senior year, those colleges will know I’ve been schemin’ it up, and they’ll decline my application, in favor of some jerk named Brad. (Fuck Brad.) So yeah, getting good grades is definitely going to be a priority, at least for the first semester.

Goal #2) Be More School Spirit-y.  

When it comes to high school football games, and basketball games, I rarely ever attend them, despite the fact that I usually end up mostly enjoying myself. I just never really want to go. Like, I really would rather not. In fact, here’s a conversation that happened just the other day:  

Friend: Hey, you wanna go to the football game tomorrow?  

Me: *stabs self with a pencil* I’m sorry, but I’ve just been stabbed in the stomach, and will need to be hospitalized for the next few days.  

Friend: Oh, okay then. You could’ve just said no.  

But I think I should give this another try, because if I don’t I might end up regretting it twenty-five years from now. Extremely unlikely, sure, but I suppose it’s possible.

Goal #3) Do the McDonald’s drive-thru, in the snow.

This is the only reason I’m still working there. I’ve always wanted to be sitting in the back booth with a jacket on, drinking hot chocolate, and working with a nice view of the beautiful weather. It would be a great conversation starter with the customers, too.  

So how about that snow, huh?  

Yeah, it’s very, uh, snowy.

Goal #4) Blog on a near-daily basis.

Watch out followers, because your blogfeed is about to be overloaded with nonsense and tomfoolery. I know I’ve made declarations like this in the past, but this time I’m in it to win it.  

Just, y’know, if I do fail, can everyone just pretend I never wrote this?

Goal #5) Apply to Colleges.  

I’m definitely going to achieve this goal, because my parents would be so pissed off at me if I didn’t. “Really, Matt?” They’d say. “You’re not even going to bother applying to anywhere? What do you even want to do with your life?”  To which I’ll respond, completely serious and on the verge of tears: “I want to be a dancer, Mom. Just let me dance.”  

Goal #6) Get a sexy tan.

“But Matt, if you couldn’t accomplish this in the summer, what makes you think you can accomplish this now?”  

Shuddup, hypothetical person. Just let me dream.

Goal #7) Get Freshly Pressed again.

This may seem like quite a huge, slightly self-absorbed goal. But trust me, I don’t want this for me. Well, I do, but mostly I want it so I could improve mankind.

How so, you ask?

Well, there’s a survey of random, yet important questions I’d like to ask the world, but I’m not going to ask them unless I know that a huge amount of people are going to answer. So the best time to ask them would be right after getting freshly pressed, when thousands of people are going to be lurking around my blog. 

Also, getting freshly pressed is like, the greatest feeling ever. The whole month afterwards I had a new, confident spring to my step. “Hells yeah,” I’d think to myself. “I ROCK!”


Now, before I leave, I must ask: does anyone here watch The Leftovers? Please comment below if you do, because I need someone to talk to about that last episode. I haven’t been this excited about a season premiere since the fifth season of Lost.

(Also, is your sarcasm detector on point? Take this quiz to find out.)


6 thoughts on “My Goals for Autumn 2015

    1. Homecoming is just the worst, isn’t it? I remember back in ninth/tenth grade, homecoming was all anyone talked about for like, a good three weeks before it actually happened, it was so annoying.

      And my school always has a pep rally the day before, so this friday pretty much my entire school day is going to be dedicated to people cheering and clapping and not being allowed to sit down for several hours straight.

      In other news, I think I’m coming down with a cold. *cough cough* Looks like I’ll be too sick to go in that day, wouldn’t want to infect anyone.

    1. That’s true, though so much of what I want to do later requires further education. There’s a chance I might go to a nearby community college for two years, which costs pretty much nothing compared to most universities. That’s probably the best option.

      And thank you. *takes your good luck, and stores them for the winter months*

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