My Quest for a Job

This girl is way too happy.

A little while back, my family went to New Hampshire to celebrate one of my cousins graduating from college. (I feel like I’ve mentioned this before.) Sometime during the party, I took a break from mastering Guitar Hero and sat down next to my aunt, in the chairs surrounding the fire pit.

Now for reasons you will probably be able to guess, I did not want to sit next to my aunt. I only did so because it was the only available seat, and I’d already made it clear I that I was planning on roasting marshmallows. As usual, I sat down for about ten seconds before she started prying into all the details of my life, sort of like how a deranged cannibal would pry out someone’s liver. I responded politely and all, but a keen observer would’ve noticed that my eyes were twitching from the intense desire to roll them, over and over again.

Anyway, after lamenting over how my parents didn’t send me to a proper catholic school like she did with her kids, she asked me if I had a job yet or not, to which I said no.

“What? You don’t have a job yet? But, you’re sixteen!” She called to her husband who was about twenty feet away. “Hey, did you know Matthew doesn’t have a job yet?”

“What?” he said, “I had my first job when I was eight years old.” And so the rest of the family members had a very long and nostalgic conversation about their first job, and they only roped me back into it whenever I thought I was safe to leave. This long and boring conversation got me thinking: hey, why don’t I have a job? I started to think about what my fictional mentor, Dr. Cox, would say if he found out I didn’t have one, and decided it would probably be something like this:

“I’d lu-hove to give you a little speech on how sad and pathetic your life is but unfortunately, Sheila, I’m just not a very big fan of talking to people who contribute absolutely nothing to society. Honestly, I’m better off talking to a car, or a desk, or oh, gosh, I don’t know, the very chair you’re sitting on, right now. Because at least that chair is providing someone a place to sit down. Sure, that someone is just a sad, unemployed jackass, and all the chair’s really doing is allowing said jackass to sit and ponder upon his own jackassery, but we shouldn’t judge the poor chair just because someone like you happens to be using it.” He would then start talking to the chair in a soothing voice, saying things like “It’s okay,” and “someone better will come along…”

Imagining Dr. Cox insulting me multiple times a sentence got me motivated, and so I started applying for jobs as soon as possible. First I applied for a movie theater, then Denny’s, Hannaford’s, Subway, Wendy’s, Burger King, Shoprite, Dunkin Donuts, another Dunkin Donuts and finally McDonald’s, all of which were nearby. You may find it surprising that I applied for McDonald’s last, especially since as of 2013, there are more McDonalds than people in America today. (Don’t look that last part up; just take my word for it.) I’ve decided that I’d only apply for Mcdonald’s as a last resort, mostly because my brother works for Burger King, and if I got a job at McDonalds we would have to be enemies. As in, even worse enemies than we are now. (And besides, I heard that job’s terrible.) And as of now, not a single one of the other restaurants has replied to me. Yet.

I know, it’s been less than a week, so perhaps I should be a bit more patient. But considering that my brother literally only applied for one job and got it two days later, I thought this whole process would be easier. Maybe I’m just really bad at filling out applications…

(Ha, who am I kidding? I’m not bad at anything.)

So, what do you think? Should I be more patient? Should I apply to more places? Should I join the circus? If I do get hired by McDonalds, would that make me morally obligated to murder my brother and steal his crown? I sincerely hope not. What was your first job, if you’ve had one? Have you ever had the McRib? If so, was it any good?


29 thoughts on “My Quest for a Job

  1. Ugh, it sucks whenever relatives pester one about… well, anything. :/

    I’m probably really really lucky; I applied to only three places and was turned down by two (one because they didn’t have any openings and the other because the restaurant served alcohol and I couldn’t be a waitress there if I was under 21), but the third place hired me. And I’ve been working there since I was 15, over 2 years now. It’s just minimum wage, but I like the people I work with (mostly) and it’s not gross fast food. xD It’s actually, like, super healthy vegan-y gluten-free stuff. (Which I don’t actually care too much about but hey, when I get free food at least I know it’s not that bad for me. xD)

    1. Yeah. I can’t complain though, because I plan on doing the exact same thing to my future relatives.

      Ah, you lucky duck.
      I don’t know any healthy restaurants nearby me. The healthiest I can think of is Subway, and that depends on what you order (and not even then, probably.).

  2. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has an aunt who likes to dig into your life more than you’d like. Be more patient with your job search; those places probably get tons of applications they have to sort through to find the right employees. I didn’t get a job until I was 18, right before I started college (my parents never forced me to get a job and I played sports and was very involved in extracurricular activities so I didn’t have the time for a job at 16). At some point, no matter what job you get, and no matter how much you liked it when you first started, you’re probably going to end up hating the place and dread going there (at least that’s how it is for me). At the same time though, if there’s a place you go to frequently, it might be worth it to work there for the employee discount.

    1. True. Though weirdly enough, I’m actually looking forward to hating my job, even though I know I’ll probably look back at this comment and think “What was wrong with me?”

  3. My first job was Jimmy Johns. If you’re under 18, you don’t have to deliver.

    Have you asked if your brother would talk to his manager about hiring you? If he has a good reputation at his store, he might be able to get you in.

      1. If you have friends who like their jobs, see if they can get you in somewhere. Networking is really powerful.

  4. My advice: stay unemployed for as long as is reasonable and that makes sense. You will spend the next 50 years in school and/or working so there is no need to jump the gun. If your Aunt is familiar with Catholic school, she should remember the old saying “thou shalt not judge”. Maybe she just thought it didn’t apply to her?

    If/when you do get work, if nothing else, you will meet a lot of different characters that will give you ideas about stories.

  5. If you want a career in management, being a manager of a big team at mc donalds could actually be respected. It is a difficult, high stress management role.

    Or you can always consider sperm donation

    1. I’ve just gotten a job at McDonald’s, though it’s as a crew member. Perhaps I can slowly work my way up the ladder.

      Sperm donation sounds easy. Perhaps I’ll do that on the side..

  6. Just tell them you’re a blogger on your way to becoming a best selling author ;)…no, really. BUT if you just want a job (you know for money and what not or at least to say you had a first one) pick something where you want a discount.

    My first job was in a retail store, so I got a “small” check but just as important a discount on clothes I otherwise couldn’t afford.

    1. *blushes* Thank you.

      I ended up getting a job at McDonald’s, which is unfortunate because I don’t really like any of their food, except for the fries. (Though Burger King fries are way better.)

  7. I got lucky – my close friend worked at the movie theater and basically got me the job there. Also, working at a movie theater is cool. We get into free movies (can’t guarantee that all theaters have this privilege though).

  8. Last year I was applying for jobs the ENTIRE summer after my family had been bugging me to get one since I was 14, and nothing came through… Finally in September I got an interview and got a job which I absolutely hated. (Catering just isn’t for me, man) Ironically, it was my family that were the first to start pressuring me to /leave/ the place!
    Finally it got to December and I got a job in a guitar shop- with no CV. It was mainly because I went in, got to know the place and talked to the boss and staff there, and they decided they liked how I talk to customers. It’s also an independent company, so it was easier to get the job than it is with major companies. All I’m saying is, it may take a while and an awesome job may come up where you don’t expect! Going out and handing in CVs to different local places definitely helps. πŸ™‚

  9. My first job was at Target, which was pretty snazzy as it was indoors (read: no sweltering and sunburning in the hot Texas sun) and I didn’t have to work with food. I was just lucky, but the trick is to make sure you submit your application in-person in the store on the day the manager is conducting interviews. You can call the HR department in the morning and ask if the Team Leader is doing any applicant interviews that day. If they say no, forget it. But if they say yes, then you have a reasonable chance of being there at the right time.

    1. (Sorry for the late reply!)

      Thanks for the advice. I was actually planning on applying to Target, but shortly after this comment I got a call from McDonald’s asking if I wanted to work there, and I said yes, so now I’ll be starting my first shift on Sunday. I’m probably going to hate this job, but right now I’m just glad to have one.

  10. Finding a job can definitely be so difficult! I would also recommend looking into retail or some sort of customer service job. Working in customer service can be difficult a lot of times, but it has taught me so much about people and I’d say I enjoyed it in the end. Good luck!

    -Riley XO

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