Game of Thrones: The Mountain vs The Viper Review

Warning: Spoilers for any Game of Thrones events up to this point in the show and books. But nothing that will happen later in the show/books will be spoiled. Enjoy.

Also, I apologize for not writing a review for the last episode, but what’s the point in me writing a recap when Snoop Dog already did it so well?

100% accurate

(Warning: this post is less of a review, more of a funeral.)

I’ve been dreading that final scene from the moment Oberyn was introduced. When he first showed up I was all excited because “Man, that guy’s cool!” and then I remembered, “Oh yeah, that guy’s going to a horrible, brutal, frustrating death.”

But I forgot just how disgusting and frustrating the death would actually be. Sure, it happened the same way in the book, but when reading, I was spared having to listen to the sound of his head exploding, or Oberyn’s screams of agony. It didn’t look all that pretty, either. If this happened with just some boring character no one cared about, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but no, we had to watch the stomach-churning death of a fan-favorite character who we’ve all (I hope) come to love. That’s traumatizing, right there.

Luckily, I’ve developed a coping mechanism ahead of time. If you’ve only just watched the last episode, follow these steps:

  1. Vomit
  2. Cry
  3. Eat away your sorrows.
  4. Repeat until next episode airs.

Goddamn you, you stupid Mountain. There’s only like, three queer characters in the whole series, and you have to go and kill the best one. And thanks a lot, Oberyn, for ruining your only chance at revenge. You had ONE JOB, and you blew it.

If I continue talking about his death, I’ll get so frustrated I’ll end up punching the wall, breaking a wrist, and saying “Ouch.” So I’m just going to focus on the rest of the episode.

This was Sansa’s best episode to date, seeing as she basically manipulated everyone, including Littlefinger, with ease. She is no longer someone else’s pawn, but her own player in the Game of Thrones, and it’s about time, too.

Do people still hate on Sansa? Really, they do? Well then…

Meanwhile, Roose Bolton legitimizes his bastard son, Ramsey, in a scene that could have been heartwarming if it weren’t for the fact that they were both horrible people. And if my memory is correct, this was the same place where Ned told Jon he’d tell him about his mother the next time they meet. (That turned out well.) There’s a new warden of the north, and he happens to be an evil psychopath whose son likes to flay people for fun. The Starks were so much nicer.

Meanwhile, we say good-bye to Ser Jorah Mormont, whose past has finally caught up with him as Dany finds out he originally spied on her. I don’t have any strong opinions on Jorah, but it’s still sad to see him go, considering he and Dany have been the longest pair in the show’s run so far. Jorah’s been in more episodes than Jaime Lannister,  Samwell Tarly, Catelyn, and a bunch of other major characters, which is pretty impressive considering how minor he is.

But should Dany have kicked him out? Neigh, I say, even though I understand why. It’s clear that Jorah is faithful to her, despite his past, and would probably be willing to die for her cause. Still, if he had just told her he was a spy immediately after the whole poison wine incident, this whole thing might’ve turned out a lot better, providing she never let Drogo know.

I think it’s safe to say that the best part of this episode was Arya’s scene. Child actors/actresses are usually terrible, but Maisie Williams nailed that laugh, sort of like how Dany nailed those slavers to a cross a few episodes back. I’m not sure whether to find this amusing or to fear for her sanity, but the scene was amazing nonetheless, despite not making a whole lot of sense. Why did the Hound and Arya visit the Twins so secretly but just walked straight up to the Vale? And what about all those mountain tribes that caused so much trouble in season 1? And why the hell would anyone let someone as valuable as a Stark, especially a presumed dead one, just walk away?

It’s best not to dwell on these things.

Other notes:

  • Holy foreshadowing, Batman! Not just with the “You could’ve at least worn a helmet” line, but there were a whole lot of other moments that made me go, “Ha. I know what he’s talking about.” For spoilers’ sake, I can’t say what they were.
  • To all those summer children complaining that “Ugh, all the good guys keep dying!” At least take light in the fact that the whole Kingdom of Dorne is now extremely pissed off at Kings Landing. And at least Oberyn got to die in a memorable way.
  • Do heads actually make that sound when they’re crushed? We should test this out.
  • The Missandei and Grey Worm scenes were nice, and it makes me glad that she isn’t the ten year old girl she is in the books.

Rating: 9/10. Great episode, but tough to watch.

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5 thoughts on “Game of Thrones: The Mountain vs The Viper Review

  1. That smashing the head like a grape scene was so disgusting it was fabulous! Poor little Tyrion though……So much going on and only like 2 episodes left I HATE how short the seasons are

  2. Ahaha thanks for that link to the Rogen/Snoop recap. It cheered me up a tiny bit.
    I had just come around to 100% backing Oberyn because he is (was) awesome. And now they had to go and smash that character.
    I am so glad that Sansa has finally wised up. She was extremely irritating for a long, long time.
    Also, Missandei is 10 in the books? What?!

    1. Thanks, and hey, at least Oberyn got what might just be the most memorable death in the whole series.

      She’s around that age, but fortunately nothing sexual happens to her. Her love story with Grey Worm never happens in the books.

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