Hey John Green! Write a Book With Me, Please.

(It no longer snows on this blog. That makes me sad.)

For the January 2014 TCWT Blog Chain, the prompt is:

“If you could co-write a book with one author–living or not–who would it be and what would the book be about?”

This is a tough one. I meant to finish this yesterday and just edit it today, but as it turns out, I was as stumped as a cut-down tree.

I first thought of Stephen King, who is perhaps my favorite author, if only because he writes multiple novels a year and most of them (that I’ve read so far) aren’t garbage. Plus he’s great at writing characters, occasionally writes beautiful, quotable lines, and is able to scare the hell out of me.

[Side note: Never let Stephen King tell a campfire story. He will ruin everyone’s night.]

The only problem is, Stephen King isn’t all that great with endings. He’s written some nice ones (Salem’s Lot, The Running Man, Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, etc.), but some god-awful ones as well. The longer the book, the worse his ending will probably be. 11/22/63 was nice, but still a bit of a cop-out ending, The Stand was the very definition of anti-climactic, and don’t even get me started on It.*

I’m just afraid the two of us are going to end up arguing about the ending. I’ll be all, “Stephen! You can’t have a bunch of eleven year old kids have sex with each other,” and he’ll be saying “I don’t see what the problem is. I’ve written worse endings before.” And I’ll respond with, “Yeah. That’s the sad part.” We would continue arguing until something explodes; then we’ll both agree to go our separate ways.

When I realized that the author didn’t have to be alive, I first thought of Edgar Allan Poe. Unfortunately, Poe was a bit of a ruthless critic, putting down other writers’ works with the cruelness of a Lannister. (I know this from a video I watched in English class in ninth grade.) I can’t blame him for being mean, (after all, his life was horrible), but I would still hate to work with him.

I wouldn’t like to co-write a novel with George R. R. Martin, but I’d like to make a deal with him. If (God forbid) he dies before he finishes A Song of Ice and Fire, I’ll be given all rights to finish the series for him. This may make ASoIaF fans a bit uneasy, but rest assured that I’ve come up with the perfect, most satisfying ending possible.

If I had to choose, I’d like to co-write a book with John Green. He seems like a terrific guy from his vlogbrothers videos, and he’s already co-written a novel before with David Levithan, so he has experience in this type of thing. I even know what the book would be about: A nerdy guy falls in love with a super awesome girl. Then the girl dies. Or goes missing. Or something heart-breakingly tragic like that.

Basically, I’ll let John Green do all the work and then have him put my name next to his on the title. Does that make me lazy? I hope not.

So, if you’re reading this, John Green (which seems likely considering my blog gets over twelve billion views a day), please comment below discussing our future novel. Well, mostly your future novel, but the readers don’t have to know about that.

Some other authors I’d like to co-write with:

  • J.K Rowling (a Harry Potter prequel!)
  • Arthur Conan Doyle
  • Suzanne Collins
  • Charles Dickens
  • Cornelia Funke
  • Douglas Adams
  • Neil Gaiman
  • Dr. Seuss.

January 2014 Blog Chain Participants:

5th – thescribblingbook.wordpress.com/

6th – https://thelittleenginethatcouldnt.wordpress.com/

7th – http://miriamjoywrites.wordpress.com/

8th – http://www.oyeahwrite.wordpress.com/

9th – http://musingsfromnevillesnavel.wordpress.com/

10th – [Andrea. No link for her yet.]

11th – http://randomofalife.blogspot.com/

12th – http://www.lilyjenness.blogspot.com/

13th – http://maralaurey.wordpress.com/

14th – http://insideliamsbrain.wordpress.com/

15th – http://unikkelyfe.wordpress.com/

16th – http://www.brookeharrison.com/

17th – nasrielsfanfics.wordpress.com

18th – http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com/ (We’ll be announcing the topic for next month’s chain.)

*Despite their mediocre endings, The Stand and It were actually pretty terrific books. The former gets a 9/10 and the latter an 8/10 from me.


22 thoughts on “Hey John Green! Write a Book With Me, Please.

  1. Interesting choices! And good call choosing John Green. He seems fun. I suppose, while he’s working on your shared novel, you could take over his video blog and talk about how it’s going. To, you know, show the masses you’re actually contributing. 😉

    As for this perfect ending of A Song of Ice and Fire…you wouldn’t mind sharing it, would you? 😀

    1. Perhaps, but I’m not sure if the nerdfighters will like me. They’ll probably assume I kidnapped John and am forcing him to write the book for me, (they’d be right, too.) and all of Hank’s videos will just be him saying things like “John, are you okay? Where are you? The police are looking for you. Please call.”

      As for the ending to A Song Ice and Fire: basically, Arya kills all the bad guys and becomes Queen of Westeros. (I’m only just starting the third book, so I’m assuming she hasn’t died in the series. If so, I’d have to pull off some time-travel plot-line, which I’m sure the readers will love.)

  2. I really don’t think I’d like to collaborate with anyone. I think Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton do well together in books like ‘Once Upon a Slime’ etc… I think I would pick a mentor to guide me and I very much admire Tim Winton, John Marsden, Julianna Baggot, J.K.Rowling, S.King, Hugh Howey and my favorite Veronica Roth, however, I doubt I’d get over being star struck. 🙂

    1. Yeah, that’s a good point. If John Green and I ever met up to collaborate, I’d probably just stare at him with my jaw open the whole time, occasionally poking him to make sure he’s real.

  3. I’ve heard loads about The Fault in Our Stars and I’ve been wanting to read it but you wouldn’t believe how gargantuan the waiting list is at the library :/ If I could let my sister do all the writing for me and just add my name I might jump at the chance, but she’d probably hit me 😀

  4. I miss the blog-snow as well. *pouts*
    I might actually try rereading TFioS and see if I like it more this time…
    (Oh, I was wondering. Do you by any chance have a tumblr?)

    1. Ooh, if you do re-read TFioS, keep count of every time Augustus says something pretentious. I want to see what you’d get up to. (I’d do it myself but I don’t have thumbs.)

      I don’t have a tumblr. However, I often manage to find myself wandering aimlessly around the site.

      1. I laughing at the Sherlock falling on the trampoline gif thingy,..

        I liked Augustus because of his pretentiousness, if that makes sense. I’m glad Isaac and Hazel (I think) called him out on it.

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